The Broken Road
by Reese M
Summary: Casey's life hasn't been what she'd expected. Can she find her way along the broken road to find her happiness? Will that broken road lead her to love? And has that love be someone who's been in her life all along?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I don't own anything Law and Order. I do this for the love of the characters and the love of writing. With that said. This takes place in my Olivia and Alex "Life" universe. Hope you Enjoy. ~Reese

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><p>They had known of each other through work. Casey Novak had been an up and coming A.D.A working white collar at first and then was hand picked by Arthur Branch to replace the presumed dead Alex Cabot in Special Victims. Serena Southerlyn had been a McCoy girl Friday working in homicide until she was fired for being to sympathetic for prosecution. They hadn't really met until they both found themselves at a birthday part thrown in Jack McCoy's honor. Casey and Serena had spent most of the evening talking and a few days later Casey was surprised when Serena called to ask her out. She was a little hesitant at first, there had still been lingering rumors that Serena was fired by the openly conservative Branch for being a lesbian, but then she decided to accept the blonde's offer and take a risk. The risk had turned out to be well worth it. Casey and Serena hit it off and things progressed from there. They started dating and before Casey realized it she found herself falling for the blonde lawyer. They took things slowly but before Casey could really take it all in she found herself being part of Casey and Serena in the same way there was an Alex and Olivia.<p>

Alex and Olivia. The more time Casey spent with them, the more she saw their lives together taking shape, the more Casey wanted what they had. She moved in with Serena and they started planning a life together. Casey thought she was finally happy. She thought she had everything. Then she came home early from a business trip. She hadn't called Serena to tell her she was coming home early because she thought it would be romantic to just come home and crawl into their bed. There was a warm smile on Casey's face as she quietly let herself in to their apartment. She toed off her shoes at the door and walked softly in her bare feet across the dark room to the hall that lead to their bedroom. If she'd been aware and less focused on just curling up in bed with her girlfriend she might have noticed the heavy scent in the air or heard the muffled sounds before she opened the door but she didn't.

Jet-black hair was sprawled over Casey's pillow. Glassy blue eyes gazed up at her when the dark room was suddenly filled with light from the open door. The muscles beneath bare skin that Casey knew all to well flexed as Serena jerked her head towards her. Casey met her girlfriend's eyes before letting her gaze travel down Serena's arms to her hands, which cupped the other woman's breasts. Casey watched in stunned silence as Serena rolled her hips off the woman beneath her, grasping for the sheet to cover them. Again their eyes met and before Serena could say a word Casey turned on her heel and walked back down the hall.

"Casey!" Serena called out as she scrambled for her robe.

Casey didn't pause, she didn't weaver, as she walked to where she'd left her suitcase, grabbed the handle and walked towards the door.

Serena grabbed Casey's arm. "Casey, I'm sorry."

The slap echoed in the dark, quiet apartment. Casey's eyes blazed with hurt and anger, but she didn't say a word. She grabbed her suitcase and left Serena standing there in shock, her hand held to the cheek Casey had struck. Casey was numb. She didn't know what to do or where to go. She hailed a cab but didn't remember telling the cabbie to take her anywhere until they were pulling up in front of a bar Casey hadn't been to in years. It was an Irish pub where she felt comfortable but no one would know her. She walked over to a small table out of the way and flagged down a waitress, ordering not just a single glass of Jameson's but the whole bottle. Casey sat there, the scene she walked in on playing out in her mind over and over. Her thoughts were shattered all over the place, questions popping up unwontedly in her mind. Was this the first time? Had she missed something? Had she done something? Wasn't she doing enough?

When Casey finally realized her cell phone was ringing she pulled it out of her purse. There were text messages and voice mails from Serena that said the other woman had been calling since Casey had left the apartment. She shut the phone off and put it back in her purse before pouring herself another glass of whisky. When she left the bar she wasn't fall down drunk but she wasn't sober either. It was raining. Casey loved her city in the rain. There was something cleansing about it. Casey didn't know where to go, she figured she should head to a hotel because she sure as hell wasn't going home, so she started walking in the rain towards a little boutique hotel she knew was close by. As the rain came down, as the evening turned to night, Casey kept walking. She knew she should have gone to the hotel but a bigger part of her was seeking more then just shelter, she was seeking safety. She didn't just want a room for the night, she wanted, needed, someone who could shake her free of the numbness and make her think again.

Casey was soaked through to the bone when she finally raised her fist to knock on the white door of the brownstone she'd found herself at. She was shivering almost violently as she waited for the home's occupant to come to the door. Casey held her breath when the dim light behind the frosted glass turned brighter. She was just as surprised to find herself standing there as the woman who swung open the door.

Elizabeth Donnelly had no idea who would show up on her doorstep this late but she was ready to rip into someone for it. Or at least she was until she opened the door to find a rather pathetic looking Casey Novak standing there. "Casey?"

"I'm sorry." Casey said, her voice horse and trembling. "I don't know why… I just didn't know where else to go."

"Come inside." Liz said as she pulled the younger woman inside and closed the door. "Stand right there until I get some towels."

Casey just nodded and stood where she was told to stand as Liz disappeared upstairs. When Casey first started with Special Victims, when the detectives were still punishing her for not being Alex, Liz had taken the young woman under her wing. Despite the fact that Liz was grieving for Alex just as everyone else was, she had never taken it out on Casey the way others had and that helped Casey to bond easily with her new boss and mentor. At first Casey turned to Liz when she was having issues with a case, but over time she found herself seeking the older woman's counsel on more personal matters. Liz had surprised Casey by being so willing to listen and advise, and before long the two had formed a real and lasting friendship. When Alex had come back from the dead it was Liz who'd come to Casey to see how she was handling it. When Serena had asked her out it had been Liz who told her life wasn't worth much without a little risk. She told Casey that it was one thing to take risks in the courtroom, but the risks she took in life would be where the real rewards were.

"Here." Liz said as she handed Casey a towel while using another to wrap around the shivering redhead.

"Thanks." Casey replied. She hadn't realized how cold she was until she started warming up.

Liz looked the younger woman over and then glanced at the equally drenched suitcase. She doubted anything in there would be of use until it dried out. "You know where the bathroom is. Go get out of those wet things. I'll find you something to put on."

Casey was still to numb and disoriented to argue. She walked to Liz's downstairs bathroom and started working her way out of her soaked jeans and sweater. A few minutes later as she was drying her hair Liz cracked open the door and set a pile of things on the sink. "Thanks."

"I'll make some tea." Liz said from the other side of the door.

The yoga pants were a little long and a little snug at the hips, but they were soft and warm and comfortable. The sweatshirt was soft and warm as well, and it smelled of Liz's perfume despite being clean. Casey took comfort in that familiar scent before coming out of the bathroom after hanging her things to dry.

"I put your bag in the laundry room." Liz said as she came out of the kitchen to find Casey standing uncertainly in her living room. Her eyes flickered to the couch, telling the younger woman to sit without saying a word. She couldn't help but smirk when Casey sat down, curling her legs under her to hide her bare feet. "I'd offer you something stronger than tea but I'd say you already had something stronger tonight."

Casey blushed a little as she nodded. "Yeah, I did, but I'm not drunk."

"Just nicely self medicated." Liz said with a knowing look. She didn't want to push so instead of asking outright what happened she asked, "Aren't you out of town until Tuesday?"

"I came home early." Casey answered as she curled into an even tighter ball.

"I can see that." The older woman said curtly. When it was clear that Casey wasn't going to give her anything more on the subject she got up to get their tea. Several minutes later she returned and handed Casey a mug. "It's strong and sweet. Drink it."

Casey nodded as she accepted the drink. Liz hadn't been kidding about it being strong and sweet, but it seemed to be just what she needed. As she sipped at the drink she could feel herself warming up and her clogged mind clearing.

Liz became alarmed when she saw tears welling in Casey's eyes. She reached out a comforting hand, placing it on Casey's arm, which got the younger woman to look up at her. "What happened Casey?"

A long painful minute passed before Casey said, "Serena was fucking another woman in our bed."

"Oh Casey." Liz said, her voice laced with sympathy and a touch of anger. She'd encouraged Casey to see where things went with Serena, and now Casey had been hurt as a result. Casey told her what happened, about walking in on them, about going to the bar, and then about walking until she found herself at her doorstep. It touched Liz that when Casey was seeking a safe place she'd come to her. When she saw that the evening's events were starting to take their toll on the redhead she said, "You'll stay here tonight. You can figure things out in the morning."

Casey just nodded. She put her now empty mug on the coffee table and followed Liz's directions to the guest room. She was emotionally drained and physically wiped out from traveling, so it didn't take her long to fall into a deep dreamless sleep.

When Casey woke up the following morning it took her awhile to realize where she was. Once she did everything came rushing back and she felt that same heart stabbing pain she'd felt when she'd walked in on Serena the night before. She whimpered softly as she curled up around the extra pillow on the bed, but only for a few minutes. She wasn't going to let this crush her. She wasn't going to let this defeat her. Forcing herself out of bed she headed downstairs. She was surprised to find it was well after ten in the morning. She was even more surprised to find a note from Liz telling her to stay and make her self at home, and to use the time to figure things out. Casey was grateful beyond words for the sanctuary. After carefully rooting around Liz's kitchen Casey made her self some coffee and forced herself to eat a little. She was startled to find her clothes had been washed and dried and were folded in a laundry basket while her suitcase lay open to dry out. After her shower she put on her own track pants and another one of Liz's clean sweatshirts, taking comfort from her friend's scent in the fabric as well as the shirts warmth since she still felt cold.

Casey had been in Liz's home before but she'd never really looked around and certainly hadn't ever been left alone in it. She explored a little, both from curiosity about her friend and to keep her self occupied. The distraction didn't last long and soon enough Casey found herself curled into Liz's couch staring at her cell phone. She sat like that for a half an hour before she finally turned it back on. Along with more messages from Serena there were several from Olivia and Alex. Apparently Serena had called them looking for her, and it made her wonder if Serena told them why Casey was missing. Deciding that she couldn't really settle anything without at least an explanation Casey dialed Serena's number.

"Casey?" Serena said as she soon as she picked up.

"Yeah." Casey replied.

There was a soft sigh of relief on the other end of the phone. "Oh thank god you're alright."

"I'm far from alright, Serena." Casey said back angrily.

"Yeah." Serena said. "Yeah, I know, it's just I meant that you're alright, that your safe, I know things aren't ok. Where are you?"

Casey pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes against the sting of fresh tears. "Someplace in the city." She answered. "Things are so far from ok one of us might as well be on the fucking moon."

"I'm sorry Case." Serena sighed.

"I don't want to fucking hear it Serena." Casey spat. The hurt and pain she'd been feeling was quickly eclipsed by her anger, and the anger felt a lot better. "Who was she?"

There was a long pause on the other end of the line before Serena said. "Carmen."

The hurt and pain were back. "Carmen." She repeated. "You're Spanish affair from when you spent time in Europe getting over getting fired?"

"Yeah." Serena admitted.

Tears welled in Casey's eyes. "How many times did you fuck her while I was away?"

"Casey."

"How many times Serena!" Casey yelled into the phone. "How many times did you fuck another woman in our bed? Was she the only one?"

"Yes, she was the only one." Serena answered. Her voice cracked with emotion. "It just kind of happened, Casey."

Casey shook her head as she wiped angrily at the tears on her cheeks. "Don't make excuses, Serena. Just tell me what happened."

"She called me out of the blue." Serena began after several long minutes. "She asked me to have drinks with her. We spent the night at the bar just talking. She came over for dinner last night and well one thing lead to another and…"

"You fucked another woman in our bed." Casey said bitterly. She was starting to feel and sound like broken record repeating that same line over and over, but that was the only line that kept rolling around in her mind.

Serena was silent on the other end.

Casey was silent too. She had a hundred different thoughts and emotions she needed to sort out.

"Casey."

"I can't do this." Casey said, cutting Serena off. "I just can't. Not right now."

"Ok." Serena said softly. "Are you coming home?"

Casey shook her head. "No, not now, not any time soon."

"Casey we can…"

"I need to go." Casey said, cutting her off again. "Don't worry. I'll be fine."

So many things ran through Casey's head as she sat on Liz's couch, clutching a throw pillow to her chest as if it were a life line and she were drowning. There was one thought, one thing that kept coming back to the forefront. If she loved Serena, if she truly loved her in that never ending, makes the heart beat, makes the lungs breath kind of way, wouldn't she be at least willing to try to get past this? It wasn't like Serena was a serial cheater, at least as far as Casey knew she wasn't. As far as Casey knew this was the first and only time and it simply was a mistake, a mistake made in the passion of the moment. Couples worked through this kind of thing all the time. But that's what was scaring Casey so badly. She couldn't seem to find that little piece of her that wanted to work this out with Serena.

If she took an honest look at her relationship with Serena she'd see that there were problems, ones they'd been trying to ignore. About six months ago they tried to adopt but it fell through at the last minute, and the strain of loosing the baby they'd been planning for just added to those problems. Problems that really began, if Casey were honest with herself, when she left the D.A's office. What Casey needed was to get herself back on track. That thought surprised Casey because she hadn't realized she'd managed to loose her self, but she had. She'd given everything to the job and then what was left she'd given over to Serena. Now here she was empty and unhappy and lost.

It was the soft clink of keys and the gentle thud of a leather bag hitting the wood floor of the foyer that finally drew Casey out of her thoughts. She blinked, her vision having become unfocused at some point. The muscles in her arms and legs were burning from not moving for hours. How long had she been sitting there like this?

"Casey?" Liz called out softly.

"In here." Casey replied as she uncurled herself, groaning at the painful protest her limbs were putting up.

Liz frowned at the sound. "Are you alright?"

The redhead nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

The older woman watched as her young guest went to stand and managed to catch Casey just before she toppled over. "Still fine?"

"I just sat still to long." Casey explained as she let Liz help steady her until her limbs filled with blood again. The painful pins and needles made her moan softly. "Way to long."

Liz nodded in understanding. "You had a lot to think about."

"More then I realized." Casey admitted. She looked over at the clock, it was a little past seven, and her eyes went wide. "Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to look for hotel. I didn't know it was so late."

"Seven in New York is hardly late." Liz replied as she let go of Casey once she was sure the younger woman was stable on her own two feet. "And don't worry about a hotel. You're welcome to stay another night."

"Liz." Casey began to protest but Liz cut her off with a wave of her hand.

"I've been where you are Casey." Liz explained as she walked over to the sideboard to fix a drink. "You feel like you're alone in the dark tittering on the abyss. What happened with Serena, it was just the match strike to let you see for a moment."

Casey nodded, that was it exactly, and it was terrifying because she didn't know how she'd gotten to this point. Until last night she had thought she was happy and everything was great. Now, now nothing made sense.

"You're welcome to stay here as long as you need too to find your way." Liz said as she handed Casey a bottle of water.

"Thank you." Casey said softly. She felt safe here, it was odd and hard to explain, but something about Liz made her feel safe. And if she really was going to take a hard look at her life and do what she needed to do to get it back on track, she needed a safe place.


	2. Chapter 2

Stepping into the restaurant Casey felt the sudden urge to turn around and run. She'd been putting this off for as long as she could because she just didn't want to face the hurt, but when Serena called and asked her to meet for lunch that morning she knew she couldn't keep running from this, from her. She and Serena needed closure so they could both move on. Liz had been right when she'd said that by avoiding this she was keeping not only herself, but also Serena in limbo, and that was selfish. The urge to run washed over her again and Casey was about to turn and leave when she saw Serena stand at a far off table and wave her over. Casey took a deep breath and walked over. There was an uncomfortable tension between them that had never been there before, and it made both women uneasy. The greeting was awkward, and for several minutes after they were both sitting neither could look the other in the eyes.

"So," Serena said, as she finally looked at Casey. "Thanks for agreeing to meet with me."

"Thanks for giving me time." Casey replied as she looked up to meet Serena's gaze.

There was another long pause before Serena spoke again. "I've been trying to figure out how to explain what happened, but everything I came up with just sounded like an excuse."

"You don't have to explain it to me, Serena." Casey cut in. "Things happened for a reason. Everything that happened; happened for a reason."

"By everything you mean loosing the baby." Serena said as hurt flashed in her eyes.

Casey nodded. Over the last week or so, ever since she'd left their apartment in the rain, Casey had been hashing out her life. She'd pulled it all apart hoping that she'd be able to put it back together the right way. "This would be a lot harder if we had a child to worry about." As soon as she said it she could see the flicker of hope Serena was holding on to burn out. In that moment Serena knew Casey was done, that their relationship was over. "I'm sorry, Serena."

"So that's it?" Serena asked as anger flickered in her eyes. "You're not even going to give me, give us, a chance? I made one mistake, Casey."

"A really big mistake." Casey pointed out, and then went on. "You sleeping with another woman was just the last straw, Serena, and you know it. We've been struggling."

Serena didn't want to admit it.

"Were we together because we're in love or were we together because it was familiar and safe?" Casey asked.

"You don't love me anymore?" Serena asked.

Casey shook her head. "Not the way I want to be in love with someone. And you don't love me that way either, or you wouldn't have let what happened happen." Casey paused a moment and then said, "I'm sorry."

Serena was quiet for a few seconds before continuing, "You've heard about the firm wanting to open offices in Philly?"

"Yes." Casey said with a nod, though she was a little startled at the sudden change in topic. "Mary was telling me about it a few weeks ago."

"The partners offered me a position in the new offices." Serena told her now former lover. "A junior partnership with a promise for more. I'd be helping set up the whole thing and I'd be running the family law offices."

Casey's smile was genuine as she reached for the blonde's hand. "That wonderful Serena!"

"I wasn't going to accept, but now…" Serena said softly.

"Take it Reenie." Casey encouraged. "It's a great opportunity."

Serena nodded. "Yeah, it is, and I guess it's a chance at a fresh start."

Casey nodded. Both women were quiet; the only thing said was to the waiter when he came to take their orders. Casey just played with her pasta when it arrived. They chatted about nothing when they bothered to speak at all. Neither was sure why they didn't just end the lunch and say their final farewells, but they each figured it was because they were putting that off. They had been together for so long, it was just hard to say goodbye.

When lunch was over and they found themselves outside on the sidewalk they no longer had a choice. "I'll come by this weekend and get my stuff." Casey said softly.

"Have you found a place?" Serena asked. "Because you could have…"

Casey shook her head. "I can't." It had been their place; she couldn't stay in that apartment without Serena. "I'll find a place of my own. Until then I'll just throw my stuff in my storage locker."

"You must be racking up one hell of a hotel bill." Serena said. "I know you're not staying with Alex and Liv so…"

"I'm staying with a friend." Casey admitted. "I'm fine, Reenie. Don't worry about me."

The blonde took the redhead's hand. "I still care, Case."

Casey gave her former lover a warm but sad smile. "I know. I still care about you too."

Serena leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Casey's lips. "Bye Casey."

"Goodbye Serena." Casey replied in a whisper. She watched the blonde turn and walk away and just before the blonde got into a cab she called out, "Reenie." She paused until Serena was looking at her. "Have a good life."

"You too Casey." Serena said, her cheeks wet with silent tears.

Casey was glad that Liz was working. She just really wanted to be alone. When she got back to the brownstone, which Liz had given her a key to; she curled up on the couch to grieve the loss of her relationship with Serena. When she was all cried out she made herself a cup of tea and headed upstairs to take a long hot bath. Feeling a little better and a little lighter after her bath, Casey made her way down to the living room with her laptop and the paper. She was more then grateful to Liz for giving her a place to stay, but she needed a place of her own.

"Casey?" Liz called out when she got home. She had lived on her own for a long time and she had to admit she liked having Casey around. She liked that someone was there to talk to when she came home at night.

"In the kitchen!" Casey called back.

The older woman smiled as she walked into her rarely used kitchen. It wasn't that she couldn't cook; she just didn't have time and hated cooking for one. "What are you doing?"

"Making dinner." Casey said from where she stood in front of the stove.

"With what?" Liz asked as she walked over to the island and sat on a stool to watch Casey work. "I can't remember the last time I went shopping."

Casey laughed. "I noticed. I got frustrated looking for an apartment so I decided to take a break and went for a walk. I ended up at the market looking for brownie mix and decided I'd pick up some things to make dinner. I hope you don't mind."

Liz gave the redhead a warm, cheerful smile. "You're cooking for me, how could I mind that?" Her smile faulted when she asked, "You're looking for an apartment?"

"You've been wonderful, Liz." Casey said as she turned to look at her friend. "You have no idea how thankful I am to you, for more then just letting me hide in your guestroom. But I need to get back on my feet, and that means getting my own apartment."

"So does this mean you talked to Serena?" Liz asked as she got up and walked over to the small wine fridge in the island.

"We had lunch." Casey admitted as she turned back to what she was doing.

Liz watched Casey carefully from where she was crouched before asking, "Are you alright?"

"I will be." Casey replied. The tone of Casey's voice said she meant that, but her body language said she wasn't so sure yet. It was going to take time and experience before Casey felt completely sure of herself and solid on her feet again.

Packing up her things had been harder then Casey thought. She and Serena had worked out who was taking what of their shared items via email, but it was startling how much of her personal stuff was mixed in with Serena's. She'd wanted to do most of the work on her own but as boxes started to pile up she realized she was going to need a little help. Liz had offered, but for some reason Casey didn't want Liz tied to this part of her life. Casey was closing a chapter in her life, and Liz was more about the new then the old, despite being part of Casey's past.

"Thanks for coming, Fin." Casey said as she opened the apartment door for the detective.

Fin gave her a warm, reassign smile. "Anything for you, Sis." The man said as he stepped inside. He couldn't explain it but Casey had always been different for him. He'd taken to her in a way that made him act like her big brother, and they both took comfort in that. "Picked up the van. Should I start taking the boxes down?"

"Yeah." Casey said as she looked around the apartment. "I'm almost finished."

"You ok?" Fin asked. Casey's eyes were puffy and red, and her cheeks were flushed. He could tell she'd been crying, and at some point crying hard. Reaching out he gently wiped the wetness from her cheeks.

Casey gave her friend a weak but real smile as she accepted his gesture of comfort and support. "Not going to say it's been a joy, but yeah, I'm ok."

With all her stuff packed up the apartment looked so strange. Casey almost felt bad for leaving it like this for Serena to come back too. As Fin put the last of her stuff in the van he'd rented she called to let Serena know she was finished and to warn her so it didn't come as such a slap in the face. Serena promised that if she found anything Casey had forgotten she'd pack it up and have Olivia or Alex come for it. Sadness washed over the redhead's face when she hung up, but the warm one armed hug Fin gave her made her feel better. When they got to the storage locker she helped Fin unload the van and put the boxes away.

"What about the suite cases?" Fin asked as he jerked a finger towards the two large cases and a carry on still in the van.

"Those go with me." Casey replied.

"Cool." Fin said as he closed up the van. "Where am I taking you?"

"I owe you dinner." Casey wasn't sure why but she didn't want everyone knowing she was staying with Liz. She didn't want the rumor mill going and her friends questioning why she was staying with Donnelly. "You pick, my treat."

Fin narrowed his eyes at Casey. "Ok, but then I'm takin' you to wherever you've been staying."

"Fin." Casey said with a slight shake of her head. "I can get cab. I'll be fine. Besides, you have to get the van back before six thirty."

"You aren't like sleepin' in the park or something are you?" Fin asked as he drove them to his favorite Indian place.

Casey laughed. "No, I'm not homeless. I'm staying with a friend."

"What kinda friend?" Fin asked with a questioning look.

"A good friend." Casey said. "And that look on your face is why I'm not saying who."

"Can you trust this good friend?" Fin asked.

Casey smiled. "Yes, I can, so don't worry."

Despite the fact that Case kept telling everyone she was fine, she wasn't. She was hurting and grieving, and more then a little scared. Liz had been watching her closely and could tell that the redhead wasn't doing well. She knew Casey needed to start getting back to doing things other then going to work. "There's a Yankee's game tonight isn't there?"

"Yes." Casey said as she looked up from the legal papers she was working on. "Against Boston."

"Boston's like their big rival right?" Liz asked as she smiled at that hint of a smirk on Casey's face.

Casey snorted. "Yeah. Its one of the biggest games of the season."

"Want to go?" Liz asked.

"Yeah, any fan would, but the game is always sold out." Casey said as she sat back and rubbed her neck, which was cramping. She watched as Liz got up and left the room, heading down the hall to her den, and then returned with what looked like tickets. "What are those?"

"I have season passes." Liz said as she held out the tickets to the younger woman. She shrugged and then added. "But I never really use them. Most of the time I just give them away to friends."

Casey couldn't hide the surprise if she tried. "You have Yankees season tickets?"

Liz nodded with a cat who got the cream smirk. "I have season passes to the Jets and the Knicks too."

"You do?" Casey asked, puzzled. "You don't seem like the sports fan type."

The tall older blonde laughed as she sat beside her young friend. "I'm not, not really, though I do enjoy basketball a bit. The seats belonged to my ex-husband. When we divorced I was an utter bitch and went after what he loved the most. His car and his season passes. I sold the car and kept the seats so he wouldn't be able to buy them back. Apparently they're prime seats."

"Spiteful much?" Casey teased.

"I didn't handle walking in on him and his business partner's daughter as well as you handled Serena and the Lolita." Elizabeth said with another shrug.

"I'm sorry." Casey said softly. Now she felt bad for teasing her friend.

"Don't be." Elizabeth said. "Frank and I were young and fooling ourselves." She gave Casey a reassuring smile to let her know everything was ok. Then she said, "So, are you coming with me or do I have to go to this game alone?"

Casey's face lit up. "Give me fifteen minutes."

Going to a baseball game was a lot more fun with Casey. She insisted on showing Liz around before taking their seats. The young woman captivated Liz as she showed her Monument Park and explained that she'd been named after the baseball poem Casey at the Bat, and that her father, who'd had four sons before Casey was born, was clueless when it came to girls and baseball had been how they'd connected. Liz felt flattered that Casey was so willing to open up and share these little bits of her self. She was enjoying herself so much she didn't even put up a fight when Casey insisted she buy a shirt and cap from the team shop to wear during the game.

For the first time in weeks there was a brightness in Casey's eyes that hadn't been there in quite some time. It was so easy to be with Liz, so easy to talk to her, or just be in her presence. She laughed more freely. She talked more willingly. And she was pretty sure Liz felt the same way because Liz told her about growing up in New York, about her father who owned a couple of factories and was very successful. It actually surprised Casey to find out that Liz's mother had been Jewish. She'd just assumed that with the last name Donnelly she was Catholic.

Liz laughed at the look on her young friend's face as they sat at a table in a bar after the game. "Another reason Frank and I never worked. I thought since my parents made a mixed religion marriage work during a very conservative time, my father was Protestant; I could make one work in a more liberal era. I couldn't."

When they got back to the brownstone that night Casey felt a lot better. She'd had a wonderful time with Liz and was kind of sad to see it all come to an end. When she woke up the next morning, for the first time in months, Casey caught herself softly singing in the shower. The small realization made her smile. Things, she realized, were starting to turn a corner and she actually felt herself looking forward to what was to come now that she knew she had people like Liz at her back.


	3. Chapter 3

It was early; Casey knew that without opening her eyes. It was too early to be awake which made her pull the pillow over her head. What had awakened her? It wasn't like her to wake up on her own after going to bed so late. She and Liz had stayed up watching old black and white movies last night as a way of unwinding after along day of work, and in Casey's case apartment hunting. Then she heard it again; a knock on the door downstairs. It must have woken up Liz too because Casey heard the door across the hall from her open and the sound of Liz making her way down the stairs.

"Do you know what time it is?" Liz's voice drifted up the stairs and through Casey's door, which she'd just opened in time to hear an all to familiar voice. What the hell was he doing here so damn early in the morning? Hell, what was he doing at Judge Donnelly's at all? Wasn't Liz the judge on an active case they were working on? What the hell was wrong with their a.d.a and why was she or he letting her detectives run around disturbing judges in the wee hours of the morning? The thought caught Casey off guard. Her detectives? They hadn't been her detectives since she walked away from the D.A's office. Technically they were, as they had always been, Alex's detectives, but Casey still felt protective of and connected to them.

"Elliot."

"My apologies Judge Donnelly." Elliot said from outside. "This is not a social call."

"Well then this is highly improper." Liz replied. "And a pity."

Casey had to cover her mouth with her hand to smoother the snort. There was just enough inflection in Liz's just awake husky tone to sound just a wee bit flirty. Ever since Liz's return to Special Victims as bureau chief she and Elliot butted heads over just about everything. Once, they even come close to blows. If Casey hadn't literally been between them they might have just given in and decked each other. Casey would have loved to seen Elliot's face just now as Liz gave him what Casey knew was a leering smirk.

Elliot cleared his throat. Casey smothered another amused snort. "There's a case."

"A hypothetical case." Liz corrected.

Casey listened carefully as Elliot explained what was going on with their lab evidence. What the hell? How did something like this happen? Yes, she understood that as bureau chief Alex couldn't handle everything that went on in SVU, but who was she sending to work with the guys and Liv? Who wouldn't know to keep the lab on their toes? Did McCoy saddle Alex with a bunch of fresh out of law school rookies? Or has the lab just gone all to shit?

"Your problem is much bigger then you think." Liz told the man standing at her doorstep. "Your squad's work relies on DNA."

Casey was starting to get pissed as she continued to listen. She didn't like where Liz was heading with this and she could tell by his tone, that Elliot didn't either.

"Over turned convictions." Elliot said.

Her convictions! Those were her convictions in jeopardy! It was her conviction rate and Alex's on the line. It took everything in Casey not to storm down the stairs and ask Elliot what the hell they were doing and if they'd lost their collective minds. No one knew she was there and she wasn't ready to revile her little sanctuary just yet. So she waited until Elliot left and Liz's voice came up the stairs, "You can come down now Casey."

"What the hell is going on at SVU?" Casey asked as she came down the stairs in shorts, a tank top, and bare feet. What would Elliot have thought if he'd seen her like this? Would he have jumped at the conclusions that lead to the kind of talk she was trying avoid? She wasn't doing it for herself; she didn't want any wild rumors getting out about Liz, the woman had been a good friend to her and Casey wanted to protect her.

"From what I've heard they're having a hand time keeping a.." Liz said as she made her way into the kitchen to make coffee. "Alex takes the top priority cases but she can't try them all."

"Who's McCoy sent her so far?" Casey asked. She knew that Liz would know because she knew Liz kept up with her old unit, and with her other protégé.

"Kim Greylek. She worked for the state department before transferring in just to work SVU cases. She had the right ideals, but she was so wrong for this kind of trail law. She was better suited to making grand sweeping statements in a court meant to change the laws, not uphold them." Liz said as she put a k-cup in the coffee maker. "Then Jack tried older, more experienced. Jo Marlowe, cop turned a.d.a, use to be Stabler's partner before Olivia. She left the office due to heath concerns, but she wouldn't have lasted. There was too much tension between her and Liv over Elliot. Sonya Paxton, she was good once, SVU was just to much for her." Liz paused a moment. She'd worked with Sonya and it was a shame that she was struggling on a personal level the way she was. "Currently their lead after Alex is Gillian Hardwick but she isn't going to last long either."

"Why?" Casey asked.

Liz shrugged. "I can see it in her eyes. She's loosing the spark you need to do that kind of work. She'll be moving on soon."

Casey was quiet as she took in what Liz was saying. Since the D.A. set up the bureau in partnership with SVU it has had a grand total of three stable, reliable, and successful a.. Liz, Alex, and herself, everyone else burned out fast, was just using the position as a way up, or simply couldn't handle it. For a brief moment Casey wondered, should she go back? Could she go back?

Watching Casey as she prepared their coffee Liz hide her smirk. She knew just what the young woman was thinking because she'd been there. She'd been the one to burn out, take a break, and then realize she needed to go back. She had known that it would be only a matter of time before Casey did the same thing. "Are you going apartment hunting today with Maxine?"

The sudden unexpected question startled Casey from her thoughts. "Hmm? No, that's tomorrow. I'm working all day today."

"Me too." Liz said as she set Casey's coffee in front of her. "And after Elliot's little visit I have a feeling it's going to be an interesting couple of days."

It wasn't like she was looking for a prime piece of real estate. All Casey wanted was a two bedroom in a nice area with some security and a few nice amenities like onsite laundry, at a decent price. But apparently that was as easy to find as the Holy Grail. When she did manage to find a nice apartment with everything she wanted the rent was through the roof, and when she found a place in her price range it was less then ideal. After looking at what seemed like her one-hundredth apartment Casey had finally given in and called Liz's real estate agent friend. They were out looking for the second time together. Casey was on the verge of giving in and saying the hell with it, she'll just live in a box under the Brooklyn Bridge, but then Maxine opened the door to the final apartment on her list and Casey's eyes bugged out. Two bedrooms, lots of living space, a nice updated kitchen with built in washer and dryer, hardwood floors, and lots of windows in a secure building. It was perfect and thanks to Maxine, affordable. She couldn't wait to get back to the brownstone and tell Liz about it over dinner.

When Casey walked into the brownstone the last thing she was expecting was for it to be full of crime scene techs and uniforms. "What's going on?"

"Casey?" O'Halloran replied when he saw the redhead walk in.

"Ryan, what's going on?" Casey asked again as she set her bag down by the stairs.

"What are you doing here?" O'Halloran asked. "Are you back with the D.A?"

There was a knot forming in the pit of Casey's stomach that she didn't like one bit. She shook her head at his question about the D.A. and then said, "I've been staying with Liz. Ryan, what's going on?" She repeated. "Where is Liz?"

"That's your stuff in the spare room?" O'Halloran asked and then said, "Casey, Elliot and Liv rushed Liz to Mercy Hospital. She was positioned."

Casey's heart sank to join the knot in her stomach. "I need to get to Mercy."

"I'll take you." O'Halloran said before giving orders to his team and the remaining uniforms.

When Casey got to Liz's room Olivia was sitting with her. She walked in and had to stop. Liz, a woman who had always been so strong and unstoppable to Casey, looked so pale and vulnerable lying in the hospital bed. Casey had to swallow down a soft cry at the sight of her friend. "Liv?"

Olivia turned to look at Casey and couldn't keep the surprise off her face. "Casey?"

"What happened?" Casey asked as she moved closer to Liz's bedside. "Is she alright? Ryan said she'd been positioned."

"She was." Olivia said as she watched Casey closely. "Potassium chloride. Elliot and I got her here just in time. She's going to be fine."

Hearing that made Casey visibly relax.

Olivia noticed. "Casey, how did you know Liz was here? You said O'Halloran told you?"

Casey nodded as she sat in the chair beside Liz's bed and took her hand. "When I got back to the brownstone it was crawling with uniforms and techs. He told me what happened as he drove me over."

Ever since Casey and Serena broke up Olivia had been trying to get Casey to open up on the hand full of times they'd talked, to at least tell her where she was staying, but Casey had been pretty tight lipped. All this time she'd been staying with Elizabeth Donnelly? "Is she the friend you've been staying with?"

"Yes." Casey said as she looked up at Olivia.

"Oh." Olivia said as she tried to work this piece of information out in her head. Then she looked at Casey and asked, "Are you and she…"

"No." Casey cut in. She rolled her eyes and sighed as she shook her head. "And the fact that you asked is the reason I didn't tell you. I don't want people thinking Liz is taking advantage of me or anything. You don't think I know McCoy calls her an equal opportunity cougar?"

Olivia snorted at that. Then she turned serious. "I'm glad she was able to be there for you, and that you can be there for her now."

Casey nodded. "Me too."

Liz spent several days in the hospital. The doctors wanted to keep an eye on her until they were sure that the potassium chloride didn't do any lasting damage. She could understand their reasoning but that didn't mean she had to be happy about being stuck in the damn hospital. The only reason she didn't go off on someone was Casey. The young woman was with her every moment she could be. Liz didn't have any family around, she had a niece but she lived overseas, which pretty much left her on her own. Having Casey around meant a lot to Liz. When she was finally released Liz spent a week recuperating at home before she eased back into work.

Even after signing the lease on her new apartment Casey stayed at the brownstone. She said it was because she needed to get the apartment ready to live in, she didn't have much furniture and stuff, but she and Liz both knew that Casey was hanging around to look after Liz. When the apartment was finished and ready to be lived in Casey felt a pang of sadness over leaving the brownstone. It had been a safe haven for her and spending so much time with Liz had really strengthened their friendship. Liz wasn't just her friend anymore she was her best friend. They had gotten to know each other on levels that no one else knew them on. She'd shared things with Liz she hadn't shared with anyone, not even Serena, and Liz had done the same.

A week after she'd moved in Casey invited Liz over for dinner. She'd gone to the market down the street after work and picked up what she would need and texted Liz what she had planned so the other woman could pick up the wine. By the time Liz knocked on the door Casey had finished the warm roasted mushroom and feta salad, cheesy loaf, and s'more browies. The wild rice was almost ready and the ahi tuna steaks were just waiting to be grilled.

"You didn't have to do all this, Casey." Liz said as she handed the redhead the bottle of wine to chill.

Casey shrugged. "I enjoy cooking."

The two women caught each other up on the week since Casey had moved out. They talked about work, and social actives, and anything that came to mind as they ate and relaxed. After dinner they were sitting on Casey's couch working on the bottle of wine and dessert when Casey laughed as she explained, "The woman at the market kept flirting with me. At one point I think I even blushed."

"Did she ask you out?" Liz asked with a devilish smirk. "Was she cute?"

"Very cute." Casey chuckled and then shook her head. "I didn't give her a chance too."

"Casey." Liz said softly. "You need to get back out there. It's been long enough."

Casey sighed softly as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I know. It's just not easy."

"You've been bitten and now you're leery and a little scared, I get that." Liz said in an understanding yet firm tone. "But you need to shake it off, Casey. You need to get back out there and enjoy a social life. You're young and live in one of the most exciting cities in the world; don't blow off this time in your life. Get out and live it up."

Casey laughed. "You make me sound like a hermit."

Liz just have her a look that said she was kind of acting like a hermit. The only time Casey went out was with her, Alex and Olivia, or their kids, or with her softball teammates. "Go back to the market, let her flirt with you, and then say yes when she asks you out."

"Just like that?" Casey asked.

"Just like that." Liz said with a grin.

That weekend Casey went back to the market. Sure enough the woman, Mai Wu, flirted with her again and this time Casey let her ask if she'd like to have coffee sometime. So that evening they had coffee and despite being nervous and unsure Casey did her best to enjoy herself. The following Thursday they went rock climbing at the North Meadow Rec Center in Central Park. The following week while eating frozen yogurt after a movie she and Mai decided to just be friends, which was fine with Casey. At least she'd gotten her feet wet in the dating pooling again. It was a start. After each date, as soon as Casey got home, she called or texted Liz to tell her about it.

Casey was replying to a text from Liz about her last date with Mai as she walked towards her office the next morning. Liz had been at a fundraiser the night before and hadn't had a chance to reply in detail until this morning. Casey looked up when her assistant, Andrew, called out her name. "What was that Andy?"

"I said," The young man said with a small, soft smirk. "An Executive District Attorney Cabot called to schedule a lunch meeting with you. Should I go ahead and set it up?"

Casey blinked puzzled green eyes. "Alex called to schedule a lunch date? She called you instead of just texting me?"

Andrew nodded. "Looks that way."

"Weird." Casey said and then shrugged. "Yeah, sure, set it up." Then she disappeared into her office wondering why Alex would call her assistant to set up a lunch date. Normally her blonde friend would just send her a text asking if she wanted to meet for lunch, so why the sudden formalness? Casey shrugged it off after a few more minutes of pondering what the other woman was up too and then settled in for a day of client meetings, paperwork, and adoption hearings.


	4. Chapter 4

There was a feeling in the squad room that Alex could only describe as a collective annoyance, and who could blame the detectives? She was just as done with the revolving door of a. as they were. As she approached the desks she heard Fin confessing that he was worried that anyone other then Alex herself would blow the case he and Munch had been working on. She had to keep herself from smiling. It meant a lot to her to know that they had such confidence in her, and she knew just how important that confidence was to closing and winning cases. When Munch spotted her, it caused Fin to stop his rant about the lack luster lawyers they'd been working with and look up as well.

"Please tell me you're here for this case?" Fin asked the tall blonde who was standing near Munch.

Alex shook her head. "Sorry, I can't."

Fin moaned in frustration. "Great, so who's the temporary a.d.a you're assigning to us this time?"

"I was thinking I'd give it to someone who's going to be more permanent." Alex replied with just the hit of a smirk. "McCoy let me hire a deputy bureau chief."

That got the attention of all four detectives and the Captain who'd just stepped out of his office. "Who would you trust that much?" Don asked. "Not any of the women who've been working our cases, I hope."

Alex shook her head. "There really is only one person I'd trust in this position."

"Who?" Fin asked.

"Me." Casey said from the double doors. Despite feeling oddly nervous she stood there with the biggest smile on her face. A week ago when she walked into the restaurant to have lunch with Alex and saw the blonde sitting with Jack McCoy she'd stood there feeling so conflicted. She knew there could only be one reason why Alex had set up a lunch with her and McCoy and a part of her was beyond grateful to her friend, but another part was unsure. For a moment she'd even thought about bolting before either of them could see her, but then Alex had looked up at her. Green eyes locked with blue and in that moment Alex had given Casey the confidence to walk over to the table. She'd been shocked when McCoy not only offered her the chance to take her old job back, but also offered to make her deputy bureau chief. He'd given her time to think it over and the next morning she'd called his office and accepted. She was still unsure and nervous about wither she could handle this again, if she would be able to get back to where she'd been before she'd burned out, but standing here now watching huge smiles appear on the faces of her friends and colleagues she knew she was were she belonged.

Fin jumped to his feet when he saw Casey. "You back, Sis?"

"I'm back." Casey said as she walked further into the room to join everyone.

"Thank God." Elliot said with such relief that it made everyone laugh.

"Miss me that much Stabler?" Casey teased as the man actually hugged her.

Elliot's eyes were serious as he said, "You have no idea."

The grin on Olivia's face could have lit up the whole city. "Welcome home, Casey."

First case out of the gate, of course it wouldn't be an easy one. Not only was it a young white woman accusing an older black man of rape, she was trying the case in Lena Petrovsky's court. Casey had tried her last case in Petrovsky's court, the case where she nearly made a huge mistake by asking Melinda to withhold evidence from the defense for just a little while. When that thought crossed Casey's mind, when she actually considered breaking Brady Rules, she knew it was time to stop. She knew she needed a break. She'd talked to Alex about feeling burned out, but only Liz knew about what Casey nearly did. She really wished she were trying this case before Liz. Liz could be just as hard a judge as Petrovsky, but at least she'd feel like she had someone in her corner and not at her back waiting to push her off a cliff.

When the knock on her new office door echoed in the room Casey looked up from what she was working on and called out, "Come in."

As if she'd somehow heard Casey thinking about her Liz walked in and smiled reassuringly at the younger woman. "Welcome back to the dark side, Counselor."

"Ha ha. Very funny." Casey said as she smiled back at Liz. "You know that analogy doesn't really work, right? We're the good guys fighting an uphill battle against the evil in the world. So we'd be the Jedi not the Sith."

"We're also the government and lawyers, so either side works really. " Liz said as she waved it off with a flick of her hand. "At least I made an effort after you forced me to watch all six of those movies."

Casey laughed. She could feel the tension in her body melt away just from being near Liz. Maybe it was better that she wasn't trying her first case back in front of Liz, because if Liz were her judge they couldn't interact like this.

"So how's it going?" Liz asked as she sat in the chair across from Casey's desk. "Nice office by the way."

"Perk of the new titled." Casey said with a bright smile as she sat back in her chair and relaxed. Then her smile faulted and she sighed heavily. "Part of me thought it would be easy coming back. I thought I'd just come back and pick up right where I left off."

"But it's not like that?" Liz asked.

Casey shook her head. "It's like my first day, my first case, all over again."

"If I remember correctly not only did you win that case you saved a little girl's life." Liz replied as she leaned forward a little so she could look into Casey's eyes. "You're not the same woman, the same lawyer, you were when you left, Casey. You're not picking up right where you left off. You're starting a whole new chapter and it's going to take a little time to settle into it."

Casey heaved another sigh before saying, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Liz gave the young woman her trademark smirk. "I'm Elizabeth Donnelly, of course I'm right. I'm always right." Then she turned a little more serious. "I've been there, Casey. I remember what it was like coming back to this job after leaving for the simplicity of a private firm. Did Mary Clarke agree to keep you on a case to case basis?"

"Yes. It won't be anything criminal of course, not that I ever did anything criminal anyway. I could never stomach being a defense lawyer." Casey said with a nod. "But, she agreed with you about it giving me an outlet to keep me sane."

"Good." Liz said. "So, do you have plans tonight?"

A bright smile lit Casey's face as she nodded. "I do actually. I have a date with the cutest little blonde with the biggest blue eyes." She paused to look at the clock and then added, "Who should be here any minute in fact."

"A blonde huh?" Liz teased. "Sticking to type these days?"

Casey laughed. "You could say that." Then she explained that she was babysitting Allison, Olivia and Alex's eleven-year-old daughter, for the night so Olivia and Alex could go out. She'd offered to keep their two-year-old son Oliver, but Alex had said Allie needed a brother free weekend, so it was going to be a girls' night.

As Liz was getting up to leave there was a knock on Casey's door. "Come in." Casey called out and then smiled when Allison and Olivia walked in. Allie, who was adopted by Olivia and Alex when she was eight, though she'd been with the pair since she was six; looked enough like Alex that people wondered. The girl had medium golden blonde hair that would be just a touch darker by the time she was a teenager. Her eyes had darkened over the years to a steel blue with traces of white that reminded Casey of an electrical storm. There was no doubt this kid was going to be stunning, and no doubt whatsoever that Olivia and Alex were going to have their hands full when she became a teenager, despite the fact that Allie was the sweetest, happiest, most well behaved kid Casey had ever met.

"Hi Aunt Casey!" Allie said brightly as she walked into the room. "Oh, hello Judge Donnelly."

The smile was all Alex and that made Liz smile. "Hello Allison. I'm glad I got a chance to run into you, dear. I wanted to thank you in person for the beautiful get well card you made for me." While she was recovering from being stuck in the ass with a hypodermic needle and positioned with potassium chloride, Alex and Olivia had brought her a hand drawn card from Allie. It was a perfect drawing of her brownstone done in Indian ink. Alex and Olivia had it in their heads that Allie would grow up to be a lawyer, Allie herself thought she was going to be a cop, but if you asked Liz the kid was meant to be an artist. "I particularly liked that you captured Samurai sitting in the bedroom window." Samurai was Liz's Siamese cat.

Allie beamed at the praised. "You're very welcome, Judge Donnelly. It was just lucky he was in the window when my Mom took the picture of your house for me. If I had a better one of him I could draw one of just him for you."

Liz really like Allie, everyone did, so she couldn't help but keep smiling. "I'll email you one when I get home." Then she looked between the girl and Casey. "Big plans tonight?"

Casey nodded. "Either batting cages or mini golf…"

"Mini golf." Allie cut in.

Casey laughed. "Ok then, mini golf, dinner out, and then dessert at my apartment while watching a Dr. Who and Torchwood marathon."

"Are you a sci-fi watcher too, Allison?" Liz asked the girl.

"Yes ma'am." Allie said brightly. "Dr. Who is my favorite."

"It's her Halloween costume this year." Olivia said with a laugh. "It was her Halloween costume last year."

Allie shook her head. "Not the same, Mom. Last year I was the Tenth Doctor. This year I'm going as the Eleventh, unless I decide to be River Song instead."

"If you say so." Olivia said with an amused shrugged of her shoulders.

After Liz said her goodbyes and Olivia ran through things with them, and after Casey reassured her friend that she and Allie would be fine, the redhead found herself alone with her goddaughter. "I need about twenty minutes to finish up here and then we can go, ok?"

"Sure." Allie said as she settled into a chair. "I know how to keep myself entertained."

Once Casey was finished with work she took Allie to her apartment so she could change and Allie could drop her stuff off. Once they'd both freshened up and Casey was in jeans, a t-shirt, and comfy shoes she and Allie headed over to Kraze Golf to get in a few holes on the blacklight courses.

As Casey drove to New Jersey to the complex where the mini golf was they talked about Allie playing Portal 2 with T.J Langdon, Trevor Langdon's son. They talked about the first book in the Hunger Games trilogy, which Allie had just read, and Casey had read a while ago. Then Casey asked, "How's school?"

Allie shrugged. She liked school and she did well, but she was eleven and figured there were cooler things to talk to her aunt about. "It's fine. I did an oral report on Sandra Day O'Conner and other women judges that got me picked to be part of the Woman's History assembly this year."

Casey beamed proudly at the girl. "That's great, Allie."

"Do you think Judge Donnelly will let me borrow her robes?" Allie asked. "That would be kind of cool, if I could dress the part."

"I bet she'd be thrilled if you asked her." Casey replied as they pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. "She and I would even come to watch if we're allowed."

Allie smirked. "That would be awesome."

"What?" Casey asked when she saw Olivia's smirk on the eleven-year-old's face.

"I heard my Moms say you've been spending a lot of time with Judge Donnelly." Allie said.

Casey rolled her eyes as she took her hair out of her ponytail just to put it back up. "Elizabeth and I are friends."

"I like her." Allie said as they headed into Custom Creations, which was a huge entertainment complex.

"Me too." Casey said. "She's my friend."

Allie just gave her aunt another smirk.

After finishing all three backlight courses, Neptune's Labyrinth, Sinbad's Adventure, and Tropical Island Adventures; Casey and Allie headed back into the City. Since they were going to have a sci-fi t.v. night they decided that Mars 2112 was the perfect restaurant to have dinner. The place was a family theme restaurant with space and Mars as its theme. It wasn't a place Casey normally got to go to, which made it that much more fun.

"That's a very pretty little paw on your necklace." Casey said over dinner. Because Allie's nickname was Allie-Cat she had quite the collection of cat themed jewelry. All the adults in her life knew that at some point she'd reject the cute little trinkets but for now Allie still loved each and every piece.

"Oh." Allie said as she quickly put the little silver paw inside her shirt. "Thanks."

"Allie," Casey said, taking note of the tone of Allie's voice as well as how quickly she'd hidden the pendant. "Why'd you hide it?"

Allie ducked her head as she said. "Reenie sent it to me."

"Ahh." Casey said and then added, "Allie, look at me." She waited until the girl was looking up at her. "Sweetie, you can still be friends with Serena. She and I broke up, that doesn't mean she broke up with you too."

"I don't want to hurt your feelings." Allie admitted. Even though Casey and Serena had come into her life together, and in fact Serena had been the one to push the idea of Olivia and Alex taking Allie in, Allie had always been closest to Casey.

Casey gave the girl a reassuring smile. "Being friends with Serena isn't going to hurt my feelings, Allie. She's a wonderful person and she should be in your life. She's part of the reason you're in our lives to begin with. Ok?"

"Ok." Allie said as she returned Casey's smile.

"Good. Now take the necklace back out. It's to pretty to hide." Casey said.

After dinner and a quick stop at the market to pick up snacks and ice cream Casey took Allie back to the apartment. After Allie talked to her moms Casey had her take her shower and put her pjs on before they settled in on her bed for their Dr. Who marathon. Allie made it through five whole episodes before falling asleep half way through the sixth. Casey finished watching the episode before turning the tv off so it wouldn't wake Allie. She was checking her personal emails on her iPad when she got a text from Liz.

'How was the big date?'

Casey smiled as she sent back. 'Best date ever.'

The two texted back and forth for about twenty minutes before Casey said goodnight and settled down into bed beside Allie and fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

They were meeting for lunch at a little café near the courthouse. Casey was running a little late because her arraignment hearing in Judge Preston's court ran long because the defense threw out some cockamamie insanity plea at the last minute. Thankfully Preston, unlike some of the other sitting judges, was harder to convince when it came to showy defense tricks. She'd ordered several hearings in her chambers to look the matter over, but Casey had a feeling that things would end up going her way. She gave the hostess a warm smile as she told her who she was meeting and then followed the young woman to a small table in the back. Casey's smile warmed further at seeing the tall, slender blonde sitting at the table already. Liz was looking over some papers as she waited so she didn't see Casey as she approached, which gave the redheaded A.D.A time to tone down her smile a little. Lately just the sight of her friend made Casey smile.

"Sorry I'm late." Casey said as she slid into her chair and tucked her briefcase and purse under the table. "Apparently my opponent in the Wilborn case is going for a YouTube made his client rape and murder defense."

Liz chuckled softly as she shook her head. "As long as there are things in this world to use as escape goats, defense attorneys will continue to pull made up insanity defenses out of their asses. Who is your trail judge?"

"Preston." Casey answered as she smiled at the waitress filling her water glass. She ordered an ice tea and then picked up the menu.

"Defense has its work cut out for it." Liz said with a smirk. "Lois is a hard sell when it comes to psyche defenses."

The two women continued to talk about work as they looked over the menu. After ordering their meals their conversation shifted into something more relaxed and little more personal. Casey was feeling good and it showed in the way she softly chuckled and in the way she playfully rolled her eyes and groaned when Liz pressed her on having a social life. They were about half way through their lunches when Liz finally started steering the conversation towards her concerns about Casey. She'd watched Casey reclaim herself and her life over the last few months, and she knew that Casey was finally feeling right in her world again, she was finally happy with things again, but there was still something about Casey that was bothering her.

"It's good to see you like this, Casey." She said lightly as she watched Casey cut the chicken breast in her pasta dish. "There's a light in your eyes that I haven't seen in some time. There was never any doubt that you needed a break from Special Victims, but there's never been any doubt in my mind that that's just where you belong in the long run."

Casey smiled softly and nodded in agreement. She knew there would come a time when she would need another break; everyone did because it was just that kind of environment. To be effective, to keep doing what they did, they needed to take a step back from time to time to rest and recharge. "Why do I have the feeling there's a but coming?"

"Because there is one." Liz replied in that no nonsense way she had. "You're back on your feet, back to doing the work you love, finally feeling good about who you are again, and yet I can't help but see that you're still struggling with something. What is it Casey? What is it that you still want in your life?"

Casey was quiet for a long time before she finally answered. "It's not what you're thinking."

"What am I thinking?" Liz asked, her eyebrow rose in a questioning manner. Did Casey think she knew her that well? Maybe she did. After all she was the one sitting there assuming she knew Casey that well.

"You're thinking that I miss having someone." Casey said. "I do, I miss having someone in my life, but I'm not looking for that again. If it happens it happens if it doesn't that's ok too."

"But?" Liz pressed.

"But." Casey sighed. "Before things started getting bad between me and Serena we were trying to have a baby."

So that's what that longing in Casey's eyes was. The younger woman wanted a child. That surprised Liz a little. She hadn't seen Casey as the type of woman who needed to have a child, but then again there was a difference between needing a child to feel complete as a woman, and wanting a child who would simply add to the fullness of your life. "You can still have a child if that's what you want, Casey."

"I know." Casey said with a soft sigh as she pushed her food around on her plate. "We almost adopted a child. The mother decided at the last second not to go through with it. She wanted to keep her baby and raise it herself."

Liz nodded in sudden understanding. Casey was scared. Loosing a child like that wasn't something you got over completely. That kind of pain faded into a scar that lingered in the background for the rest of your life. "There are always risks, Casey. The best things in our lives, they all come with risks."

"I don't think I could handle that kind of hurt and disappointment again." Casey replied as she dropped her eyes. "Especially now that I'm on my own."

"You might be on your own, Casey." Liz said softly as she ducked her gaze to catch that of the young woman across from her. Once she was looking Casey in the eyes she reached out and put her hand on top of the Casey had resting on the table. "But you're far from alone. You have friends who love you and would be there for you throughout."

"I know." Casey said with a small but warm smile as she locked eyes with Liz.

Liz returned that smile. "Don't let fear keep you from going after happiness, Casey."

Casey kept what Liz said on repeat in her head for weeks. She was letting her fear and uncertainty keep her from a lot of things she wanted, but she didn't have to let it keep her from having a baby. When she first broke up with Serena she thought her desire for a child would fade away like the rest of the feelings she had that were entangled in that relationship, but it didn't. Slowly she began to realize that wanting to be a mother had nothing to do with her relationship with Serena, that it was something she wanted for herself. Liz was right about the best things in life coming with risks, but Casey wasn't sure she could handle the kind of risks adoption brought. It wasn't easy adopting as a couple, and even though single parent adoptions were up, she just didn't want to go down that road again.

The Benson-Cabot brownstone was bustling with Thanksgiving Day energy. Olivia, Alex's mother Caroline and Edna, Caroline's housekeep and Alex's old nanny, were in the kitchen making dinner, which filled the brownstone with the most amazing smells. Alex was chasing after Oliver, her and Olivia's young son, who had discovered the fun in messing with things he knew he wasn't suppose to because it got a rise out of his mothers. Casey was sitting on the sofa with Alex and Olivia's daughter Allison, teaching her the finer points of football. She and Allie shared a deep love of baseball, Casey even couched Allie's little league team, but she just couldn't convince the little blonde that football was better then soccer. After the game was over Casey took Allie and Oliver out into the backyard to play. She loved spending time with her best friends' kids and was grateful to Alex and Olivia for including her in their lives.

After dinner Casey finally found herself alone with Alex and Olivia as they sat in the living room sipping wine. Caroline had taken Allie to the movies, Oliver was sound asleep, and Edna was cleaning up. They had offered to help the elderly woman but Edna threatened them with bodily harm if they even tried. So Casey found herself tucked into the opposite corner of her friends' couch while the two of them cuddled at the other end. She looked up at the row of pictures on her friends' mantel and at the pictures scattered around their living room, pictures of their family, of their children and their friends. Then she turned to the dark haired police detective and blonde D.A. Bureau Chief and asked, "What's the name of the fertility specialist you used?"

Alex chocked on the sip of wine she'd just taken. Blue eyes widening as she looked at her friend as if she were suddenly neon pink. "Huh?"

Casey chuckled softly. Though Olivia's response wasn't as obvious as Alex's, the surprise and shock at her sudden and unexpected question still played out over her olive features. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that wanting a baby is something I want for myself. I know being a single parent isn't going to be easy, but…"

"You won't be alone." Olivia cut in. "You'll be a single parent but you won't be alone."

Alex nodded her agreement. "I think you'll be a wonderful mother, Casey. I'll get you the name and number before you leave."

The smile on Casey's face lit up the room.

Casey was in her bedroom getting dressed when she heard the knock on the door. She was having dinner with Liz so she knew who it was as she called out, "It's open Liz!" The two had been so busy lately that they hadn't really been able to spend any time together since having Christmas Eve dinner together. They'd both been at the same New Year's Eve party but it seemed like each time they managed to find five minutes to say hello someone was pulling one or the other away to met that person or chat with this one. "I'm almost ready!"

"You really shouldn't leave your door unlocked, Casey." Liz scolded as she walked across Casey's apartment. "I would think that in your line of work you'd know better."

Casey couldn't help but laugh. "I saw your car pull up which is why I buzzed you in the first place."

The coffee table was covered in file folders. Liz scanned them, making sure they weren't anything legal or work related, as she said, "I still could have been a bad guy come to get you." As she sat on the sofa she reached for one of the folders, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Which is why I have a baseball bat behind my bedroom door." Casey said as she came out of her bedroom while putting in her earrings. She blushed a little when she saw Liz looking through one of her files.

"I had no idea these things were so detailed." Liz said causally. "Eye color, hair color, height, ethnicity, medical history, sure. But favorite pet, favorite sports, hobbies, likes and dislikes."

"There are pictures and verbal interviews too." Casey said as she walked over and sat beside her friend on the couch. "These are the ones I've narrowed it down too. Basic profiles have just eye and hair color, medical history, and stuff like that."

Liz picked up another folder and looked through it. "How are you going to choose one?"

"I'm going to narrow it down to three." Casey explained as she picked up a folder herself. "Everyone I've talked to, everything I've read, said I'll just know the one when I find it."

"And?" Liz asked as she set the folders back on the table.

Casey smiled as she said, "I have a feeling about a couple."

Liz couldn't help but smile herself. The look on Casey's face was beautiful. "It's good to see you so happy, Casey. I have to say, I'm really proud of you."

"You are?" Casey asked, her surprise lacing her voice as she turned to look at the older woman beside her.

"You wanted this and your going after it." Liz said. "You've come a long way since the night you showed up on my doorstep in the rain."

Casey ducked her head as her cheeks lightly flushed but then she looked up and gave Liz another warm smile. "Having your support helped, Liz, thank you."

Liz reached over and took Casey's hand and squeezed it. The two looked at each other and for a moment something flickered between them, but the moment passed all to quickly. "Are you ready to go?"

"I'm starving so yes, I'm ready." Casey replied. She squeezed Liz's hand back before letting it go and getting up from the couch. When she got home later that night Casey settled in on her couch and continued looking through the donor files. The one she kept going back too was a donor whose ancestry was French, Irish, and Norwegian. He was six foot one with a slender, athletic build. He had dark blonde hair and hazel eyes that were more brown then green. He was musical, well educated, socially involved, he listed outdoor actives, playing chess, cooking and art as his interests. The staff comments were all positive, and his childhood pictures were just striking to Casey. Over all there was just something about this one that said he was the one, something that felt somewhat familiar and comforting. So the next morning before leaving for work Casey called the cyrobank and ordered all of Profile 110643, which she would take to her doctor at the fertility clinic for use in her artificial insemination.

The first three times Casey went in she went in alone. She was nervous and scared, unsure and excited. She felt absolute in her choices, and yet she couldn't help but feel alone. Each time it didn't work Casey had been heartbroken. Liz had been there to comfort her, to encourage her to try again. Each time the older blonde would sit and hold Casey while she cried, and they'd talk. Casey shared her hopes and dreams and Liz made sure Casey knew she was there for her. The fourth time she went in for AI, she asked Liz to go with her. She could have asked Alex or Olivia, but something in her wanted Liz, and to her surprise and gratitude her friend had agreed. Liz held her hand the whole time and even stayed the night with her afterwards. It was by far the best of the three experiences, and something about it had just felt right. Casey's hopes were high and for the first time she felt like this would be the one to work, but she had to wait and see. It was going to be a long hard wait, but at least she knew she wouldn't have to wait alone.


	6. Chapter 6

Spring was just starting in New York City. The sun was finally starting to feel warm, but the air still had a chill to it that somehow made the city feel cleaner. The snow had turned to rain and the leftover gray mush that clogged the curbs had finally been washed away. The small trees that lined the curb were starting to bud with new leaves, and the first spring flowers were peeking their way out of the ground. Casey took all of this in as she stepped out of her apartment building that morning. She had awoken feeling less then stellar and the fresh crisp air was helping her feel a little more human. She couldn't really pinpoint why she felt crummy, she just knew she felt crummy. Maybe she'd just felt off because she'd spent all weekend working, not really getting out the way she liked, or maybe she'd picked up a bug or something. As she made her way to her favorite coffee shop bakery she debated wither she felt like eating something. She was going to be in court all day which meant she didn't know when she'd get lunch, so she went ahead and ordered her usual coffee and everything bagel with cream cheese, onions, and lox.

Casey managed to make it trough morning arraignments but she wasn't as on her game as she normally was. She managed to grab a quick lunch before she was due in Liz's court. Thankfully it was a trail she'd been through a thousands times before so it gave her a little leeway. It was still a rape case and she was still going to give her best to convict the bastard, but at least she didn't have be to overly grandiose.

"Call your next witness Ms. Novak." Liz said from the bench.

"The people call Zoe Sanchez." Casey said from her seat. She waited until her witness was seated and sworn in before beginning her question. As she was starting her question Casey began to stand and a sudden wash of nausea hit her for a moment, leaving her dizzy and breathless.

Liz frowned. "Are you alright Counselor?"

Casey nodded carefully. "I'm fine your Honor." She said before taking a deep breath, pushing the nausea and dizziness aside, and then stepping away from her table and starting her question again.

Liz watched Casey carefully as she questioned the young woman on the stand while paying close attention as well to her work. Casey looked paler then normal and yet a little flushed. She continued to keep an eye on the redhead after she took her seat and the defense lawyer began his cross-examination. After both sides were finished with the witness Liz took it on herself to call a recess. Casey really wasn't looking well. It was killing Liz that she couldn't check on Casey herself but it would be inappropriate for her to have contact with Casey during a trial so she had no choice to but call Alex.

"Casey are you in here?" Alex called out as she checked the bathroom closest to Liz's courtroom.

A soft moan came from the furthest stall before Casey replied, "Yeah."

The croaky sound of her friend's voice made Alex frown as she moved towards the stall where Casey was. "Are you ok? Liz called me worried."

"I think that tuna sandwich I had for lunch was a little off." Casey said before she stepped out of the stall. She walked over to the sink and washed her hands, rinsed out her mouth, and then reached for a paper towel she wetted to wipe off her face.

"Case, you look flushed." Alex said as she put her hand to her friend's face to see if she felt warm.

Casey batted Alex's well-meaning hands away. "I'm fine, Alex."

"How were you feeling before lunch?" Alex asked as she passed over a dry paper towel.

"I woke up feel crappy." Casey said honestly. "But I'm fine. It's just a bug or something."

"Liz said she'd call a recess until tomorrow if…"

"No." Casey cut in with a gentle shake of her head. "I'm fine. Liz doesn't need to throw off her whole docket just because I'm coming down with something. I just need a few minutes. I'll be ok." She turned and smiled at her friend. "Thanks for coming to check on me."

Alex shrugged and gave a small grin. "No problem. If you need me call."

Casey nodded. "I will."

The rest of her day went a little more smoothly. As the day progressed Casey actually began feeling a little better. She did play it safe with dinner, stopping on her way home at her favorite neighborhood deli for chicken soup and some of her favorite crusty bread. The next morning she still didn't feel great, but she felt better. Again she played it safe and had a light breakfast and lunch, giving in to something a little more substantial for dinner. She did this for three days, before she felt as if whatever she had had passed. A week and half later Casey woke up a half hour before her alarm, running to the bathroom and throwing up what little was left in her stomach from the night before.

With the trial over Liz was free to check in on Casey all she wanted. Everyone close to the redhead could tell she hadn't been feeling well, and Liz was worried she wasn't taking care of herself. After stopping at the market to pick up a few things Liz made her way over to Casey's apartment. She let herself in using the key Casey had given her, she and Olivia had one in case of an emergency since Casey lived alone; Casey had one to their brownstones as well. After walking into the apartment Liz listened carefully to see if Casey was awake. When she heard movement coming from the bedroom she called out, "Casey?"

Casey was more then a little startled when she suddenly heard her name and it took a few seconds for the voice to register. "Liz?"

"Yes." The older woman called back as she made her way into Casey's kitchen.

"I'll be out in a moment!" Casey called as she wondered what Liz was doing there. Did they have plans she'd forgotten about? After slipping on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt Casey made her way out of her bedroom. "Hi."

"Good morning." Liz called from the kitchen counter where she was making coffee.

Casey smiled. She couldn't help it. Liz looked relaxed, so causal in her kitchen, despite the worried pinch to the older woman's eyes. "Not that I'm complaining about the surprise visit, but what's up?"

"How are you feeling this morning?" Liz asked rather then answering Casey question.

"Gross." Casey said honestly as she shrugged her shoulders and moved closer to the counter to sit on one of the bar stools. "I'm stuck in the middle of coming down with something and shaking it."

Liz nodded as if she understood. "I think you have a feeling about what's going on, Casey. It's been several weeks since your appointment with Doctor Chow."

"I know." Casey said softly. The thought had been drifting in and out of her mind for days. She was thrilled by it and yet terrified by it as well. She was keeping herself just on the brink of really conceding it, of letting her hopes get up, but she knew she couldn't keep doing that. She just couldn't bring herself to do something about it.

Without saying a word Liz reached into her shopping bag and pulled out a home pregnancy test. She held the purple and white box out to Casey, and stood there watching as the emotions played out over Casey's face and in her beautiful green eyes. Liz felt blessed, she felt privileged, to watch all of Casey's hopes and fears play out before her eyes in that moment. "Go ahead, Casey." Liz said softly. "I'll be right here."

Casey just nodded as she took the test from Liz with a shaky hand. She stood there for several long moments before she finally got her feet to move, to carry her from her kitchen to her bedroom, and then into her bathroom. Casey opened the box and carefully read and reread the instructions before taking the test. She didn't want to wait alone so she carried the test out to her living room and sat it on her coffee table.

When she saw Casey come out and set the test down and then sit on the couch, Liz stopped what she was doing. She walked over and sat beside the redhead, wordlessly taking her hand. She'd known this feeling once, so she understood the tidal wave of emotions that Casey was feeling. Closing her eyes for a moment Liz prayed that Casey's outcome would be better then her own had been.

When she felt Liz take her hand and squeeze it Casey closed her eyes for a moment and gave thanks for her friend. She squeezed the hand back and then turned to give Liz a dazzling smile. It was the longest three minutes of Casey's life. When it was time Casey just sat there looking at the blue and white stick. Her world was about to be either another let down, or it was about to change forever. "I can't look."

"Ok." Liz said easily as she reached over and picked up the test. She glanced at it and a huge grin appeared on her face. "Congratulations Casey." Liz said as she handed the test to the red head. "You're going to have a baby."

Tears welled in Casey's eyes as a smile broke out on her face. She took the test from Liz and stared at the word 'pregnant' lost between pure joy and disbelief. When the shock finally wore off Casey threw her arms around Liz and hugged her.

The hug was startling at first but Liz quickly gave into it and returned it. "I'm happy for you Casey."

"Thank you." Casey said softly. She let the hug linger a little longer before pulling away. "For being there when I asked, and for sharing this moment with me now."

"You don't have to thank me for being your friend Casey." Liz said with warm, loving smile. "But your welcome."

Casey wanted to wait before telling everyone, so for the first few weeks Liz was the only one who knew she was pregnant. Liz helped her research her options and in the end Casey decided to go with a midwife with an obstetrician backup. She decided she wanted the security of a hospital but the comfort of something homier, so she was going to a birthing center. With the details in place Casey was free to simply enjoy being pregnant. Once she was feeling safer about her pregnancy she was more then ready to share her news.

"So what are we watching tonight?" Olivia asked as she puttered around her kitchen while they waited for the pizza to be delivered.

"And please let it be something not animated." Alex added as she pulled a bottle of wine from the fridge.

Casey laughed as she pulled out three DVDs. "I brought Life as We Know It, The Switch, and Knocked Up."

Both Olivia and Alex looked up and over at their redheaded friend, but they both shrugged off Casey's selection. That is until Casey refused a glass of wine or a beer. "Ok wait." Olivia said as she looked at Casey. "You bring baby movies to movie night and you're not drinking?"

"Looks that way." Casey said with a smirk.

"Oh my god!" Alex squealed. "You're pregnant!"

Casey's face was so bright she lit up the room as she nodded.

"Casey that's wonderful!" Olivia said as she hugged her friend.

"Congratulations!" Alex said when it was her turn. "How far along are you? When did you find out? Why didn't you call us? We'd have been there for you when you found out."

Olivia laughed at her wife's quick questions. "Easy Counselor, let the woman answer."

"I've known for awhile." Casey admitted. "I was waiting until I was a little further along, I'm about twelve and half weeks." She was a little worried that her friends would be hurt that she'd keep this secret from them. "The only one who's known since I found out is Liz."

Olivia and Alex shared a knowing look before Alex said, "We understand Casey. We didn't run right out and tell people I was pregnant with Ollie."

The three of them laughed and celebrated Casey's news the rest of the night. Alex declared she was going to throw the redhead a baby shower, and she and Olivia both promised to be there for Casey and for the baby. They reassured her that she wouldn't be alone and that they would be there for whatever and whenever she needed them. Casey had known her friends would be supportive but hearing them say it made her feel better. To say she was scared would be an understatement. She was terrified, perhaps more so then any other mother to be because she was doing this on her own. Yes, she was going to have a support system, people she loved and loved her in return who would be there for her and the baby, but at the end of the day when all was said and done it was just going to be her and her baby. She was going to be a single working mother, and even though that's what she wanted, it was scary as hell.

Over the next few weeks Casey began interviewing midwives. She met with seven woman on her own and then picked the three she liked the most to have lunch with her and her friends. Liza, a licensed nurse midwife, was the one who clicked with everyone and had been the one Casey had hit it off with right from the start. She wanted to use the birthing center at St. Luke's but in order to do so she had to take a mess of pregnancy classes. The first class had been a knowing your choices for childbirth class that was an overview of what the birthing center and hospital offered. Casey had decided to tackle this one alone. After the very informative and slightly overwhelming class the new soon to be parents mingled a little, getting to know each other since some of them would most likely be seeing each other often during this process.

"So Casey," Giles, a tall dark haired banker whose wife was pregnant with their second child, began. "Did your partner have to work today?"

"I didn't think I needed a partner for this class." Casey replied, feeling a little irritated by this man and his wife.

Elise, Giles's wife, smiled at Casey as if she were talking to a child. "Well, I guess we don't really need them until Lamaze." Then she looked at her husband. "Not every husband or boyfriend has the luxury of taking off for every class Giles."

Casey plastered on her most professional smile until she could make her way to another part of the room where she met two other couples. Sharron and Zack were having their first child, while Amanda and Ruth were on their third but their first natural birth experience.

"Being a prosecutor has got to be a high stress job, Casey." Sharron commented. "Are you worried about it affecting your pregnancy?"

Casey nodded as she sipped on a bottle of water. "Of course I am, but my bureau chief and the D.A. are willing to work with me. I'm not the first woman to have a baby while working in the D.A's office." She chuckled softly.

"What does your partner do, Casey?" Amanda asked causally.

"I don't have one." Casey admitted. "I'm doing this on my own."

Zack shook his head and sighed. "Some men just can't handle responsibility. It makes the rest of us look bad."

Casey smiled a professional sympathetic smile. "There are far more good men out there then bad, Zack. In my case there wasn't a man involved to began with, so it's alright, no one ran out on me."

"Ha!" Ruth laughed. "I knew it."

Casey couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, but there wasn't a woman involved either."

"You chose to be single parent?" Sharron asked.

The looks that passed over the faces of everyone sent a painful prickle through Casey as she nodded. "I did. It wasn't a choice I made lightly, but I have a wonderful support system and I wanted to be a mother, so I choose to do this on my own."

That night in her apartment Casey jumped when there was a sudden knock on her door. She'd been ignoring her phones, not waiting to deal with anyone else after the dealing with the people at the birthing center class. Wiping the tears from her cheeks Casey pushed her self off the couch and walked over to her door. She looked through the peephole and sighed softly. When she opened the door she asked, "Liz, what are you doing here?"

"You're not answering your phone." The tall blonde said as she stepped into the apartment. She frowned the moment she saw Casey's puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Casey said as she closed the door and then made her way back to the couch where she curled up once again.

"Bullshit." Liz said as she took her jacket off before sitting beside Casey. "You've been crying."

"Hormones." It wasn't a total brush off. Her reaction to the judgmental people she'd talked to was heightened by her raging hormones. It's not like she hadn't ever been socially ostracized before, she was a lesbian after all, and lets not forget a ginger.

Liz knew Casey better then that. "What happened Casey?"

Sad green eyes looked up to catch the worry and concern in the brown eyes staring back at her. Liz had such beautiful eyes. They were brown but depending on how she was wearing her makeup and what she had on you could almost say they were hazel, or even a dark green. All of the older woman's emotions were in those eyes. When others would see the stone coldness of former E.A.D.A Donnelly or the impassiveness of Judge Donnelly, Casey saw the compassion, the righteous anger, the desire for justice, the sympathy, the hurt and pride; she saw Liz.

"I don't know why it surprised me so much." Casey finally said, her voice soft as she reached for a tissue. "It's not like I don't know how judgmental people can be." She snorted softly. "Even the token lesbian couple looked at me like I was something on the bottom of their shoe."

"Society has vilified single motherhood." Liz said with s soft sigh. "They've created this negative image that people can't seem to shake, but its just hype Casey. Its PR. You're going to be a wonderful mother. Don't let a bunch of empty headed sheep put a dark cloud on that."

Casey offered her friend a warm, grateful smile. "Thanks Liz." Then she groaned softly. "I don't normally let people get to me like this."

"Hormones." Liz said with a warm smile of her own. Then a little more seriously she added, "Things change when you have a child, Casey, suddenly it's not just yourself you're protecting from the world. What happened wasn't just about you it was about your baby so it had a greater impact." Liz let the younger woman think about the for a moment before asking, "Have you had dinner yet?"

"No." Casey answered. "Haven't felt like eating but I guess I should."

"Where are your take out menus?" Liz asked as she stood.

"Small drawer next to the fridge." Casey answered and then smiled as she watched Liz head off to look though the collection of take out menus every New Yorker kept. After ordering gyros, fries and salads from the Greek place a couple blocks over she told Liz about the class and showed her all the information she'd brought home. While they ate they talked and laughed, and once again Casey found it a little startling how easy it was to be with Liz, and how she wouldn't mind spending more time with her, and how she'd like to get to know the other woman better.

"Liz." Casey said softly as they were cleaning up from dinner.

"Hmm?" Liz replied as she threw out the take out containers.

Casey was suddenly a little nervous which caused her to duck her head as she said, "I need to schedule a tour of the birthing center, it's the next class I need to take, and well, I was kind of wondering…"

"I'd be glad to go with you Casey." Liz cut in. She placed a long slender finger under Casey's chin and titled the younger woman's head up so they could see each other. "Don't ever feel shy or reluctant to ask me something, Casey. Ok?"

"Ok." Casey said softly and with a warm smile.

Liz's smile was bright as she nodded. "Ok."

The next few weeks moved quickly and easily for Casey. She slowly started to ease up at work, letting Alex assign more and more cases to some of the junior A.. She and Olivia started clearing out her spare room and Alex helped her set up an office area in her living room. She had no clue how she was going to decorate the space room, turning it into a nursery. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to know the sex of the baby yet, though the time to find out was quickly approaching. Liza oversaw most of her prenatal care but she also checked in with her OB, Doctor Roberts, and one of those check ups was coming soon and involved the first ultrasound where the baby would look like a baby.

"I'm nervous." Casey admitted softly as she and Liz sat in the waiting room.

Liz gave the younger woman a reassuring smile as she put her hand on Casey's thigh. "I know, but everything's going to be fine."

Casey took a deep breath and nodded. "Thank you for coming with me."

"Thank you for asking." Liz replied. "This is a special moment, Casey. I feel honored that you'd share it with me."

Once they were called back Casey had her blood drawn and was given a gown to put on. Liz thought the way Casey scrunched her nose and turned her head as the nurse took her blood was unbearably cute. She was finding a lot of things about Casey cute these days. When Doctor Roberts came in he did the full exam before pulling over the ultrasound. "Are you ready to see your baby, Casey?"

"Yes." Casey said a little nervously. Those nerves quickly settled when she felt Liz take her hand and hold it tightly in her own.

"This is a little cold." The doctor warned before squirting on the gel. He pressed the wand to Casey's slight bump and moved it around while using his other hand to tap at the keyboard or move the mouse. "Well hello little one." He turned the screen so Casey and Liz could see. "There's your baby, Casey, and at twenty weeks everything looks great."

Tears welled in Casey's eyes as she looked at the clearly defined outline of a baby on the screen. Reaching over with her free hand she pressed her fingertips to the screen. That was her baby. That was the tiny little flutter she'd started to feel a little more each day. The tiny little life she'd created and would soon get to be a mother too. Casey was overwhelmed and it only got worse when the quiet room suddenly filled with a strong though rapid heartbeat.

"I know it sounds a little fast but that's perfectly normal." Doctor Roberts said when two sets of concerned eyes suddenly flashed at him. "You're progressing well, Casey, and the baby is just fine." He let the sound play a little longer before turning it off and asking. "Do you want to know the sex?"

Casey bit her lip for a moment and then shook her head. "No, no I think I'd like to be surprised."

"Ok then." The doctor replied as he finished the exam. "Then we're all set here. Keep following up with your midwife, I will make sure she gets all she needs from today's visit, and I will see you in a few weeks."

"Thank you." Casey said. Liz's hand had been in hers the whole time and when Casey turned to look at her friend she was a little surprised to find tears in the older woman's eyes. "Elizabeth?"

Liz reached up with her free hand and quickly wiped at the tears under her eyes with her thumb. "I told you everything would be fine."

Casey gave the other woman a huge radiant smile. "Yes, you did."

"Can I ask you something?" Olivia asked as she and a clearly showing Casey walked through the baby shop. Alex had taken Casey shopping for maternity clothes, so Olivia got to go with her to look at baby things and to start building a registry.

"Of course you can." Casey replied as she eyed a lovely dark wood crib. Olivia hesitated for a moment, which caused Casey to look at her. They had always been able to talk without hesitation so her friend's pause worried Casey. "What is it, Liv?"

Olivia looked at Casey as she asked, "What's going on between you and Liz Donnelly?"

Casey looked surprised by the question. "What do you mean what's going on between me and Liz? Nothing's going on between Liz and me. We're friends, Liv."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked as stood there looking at the redhead. "You two have been spending a lot of time together and getting really close since your break up and…"

"Elizabeth and I are just friends, Olivia." Casey said firmly. "She's being there for me the same way you and Alex are. Besides, she isn't even gay."

Olivia smirked at that. "Actually, she's what I'd call an equal opportunity cougar."

"Don't call her that." Casey snapped at her friend.

That got an odd look from Olivia as she held up her hands as if to show she meant no harm. "Sorry. Are you sure there's nothing going on between you two?"

"There is nothing going on between us." Casey stated once more and then turned away from Olivia and walked off.

Olivia stood there for a moment before asking, "Do you want there to be something between you?"

Casey wasn't comfortable answering that question because she'd been asking herself that for a while now, but every time the thought fluttering to mind she quickly pushed it away. She didn't want to ruin a wonderful friendship with romantic feelings for someone who couldn't possibly return those feelings. Could she? "Maybe I should choose the bedding before I choose a crib."

"Choose a theme first." Olivia said when she realized she wasn't going to get an answer. "You can normally find at least two bedding styles to match your theme, that way you can change things up once in while. Buy a set yourself and then add one to your registry too. You can seriously never have enough clean stuff on standby."

"I knew I brought you along for a reason." Casey teased. When she was little Casey's favorite friend was a stuffed sheep, and she knew she wanted to give that sheep to her baby, so she kind of had an idea of what she wanted theme wise. By the time she and Olivia were finished she had two bedding sets, both a different style of lambs and ducklings with similar colors, decorations that matched both sets, and a complete furniture set. She still had some work to do on her registry before the baby shower but she was wiped out and really wanted food and a nap.

The baby shower was being held at Alex and Olivia's brownstone. Alex had made all the arrangements and now she and Olivia were settling things up before Olivia went to pick up Casey. Both women figured it was the least they could do for their friend since Casey had thrown their showers. The party didn't start until six, Olivia was picking Casey up at five, so it was a little startling when Liz showing up around three to help. Alex didn't mind that Liz had come early. Once Olivia left to pick Casey up it gave the younger blonde a chance to talk to Liz privately.

"You've really been there for Casey since her break up." Alex said as they set up the food table in the dinning room. "Thank you."

"She needed a friend." Liz said simply as she glanced up at Alex.

Alex nodded. "She doesn't really have family you know. Her mother died not long ago, her father disowned her when she came out. She has a younger brother but he lives in Tokyo. Liv and I, the boys on the squad, we're pretty much all the family she has."

"I know." Liz said as she stopped what she was doing to stand at her full height and cross her arms over her chest. "Are you trying to make a point about something, Alex?"

The younger blonde looked up and into the brown eyes burring hole into her. "If there's something going on between you and Casey, please be careful with her."

"Something between me and Casey?" Liz asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and defensive. "Alex, there is nothing between me and Casey but friendship. What are you accusing me of?"

"I'm not accusing your of anything, Liz." Alex said quickly, not wanting her former mentor and current friend to think she was thinking ill of her. "There's seriously nothing happening between you two?"

"We're friends, Alex. That's it." Liz said firmly. The tone of her voice let the younger woman know that that was the end of this conversation. "I have some things out in my car to get. Excuse for me for moment."

Alex sighed and then took a chance and called after Liz, "It wouldn't be a bad thing if there were something."

The party was small but all of Casey's friends showed up. It was a rather interesting mix of her coworkers, teammates, and friends from various places. Everyone was enjoying themselves, which pleased the hostesses, but what really made Alex and Olivia's day was that Casey was having a good time. Food and drink were consumed, games were played, and a massive amount of gifts were open.

Casey sat there shaking her head and laughing as she went through the gift Fin had sent by way of Olivia. "I'm not reading Go the Fuck to Sleep to my baby."

"He gave that book to Ollie too." Alex said with a frown. "He thinks he's funny."

"Here." Liz said with an amused smile on her face as she handed over a long, thick, gift wrapped envelope.

Casey eyed her friend who was standing beside her. "Liz, you've already given me the biggest care basket in the world, the beautiful bassinet, and the tiny pewter gavel."

"Which we'll have engraved after the baby is born." Liz said with a radiate smile. When she went out shopping for Casey's gifts she had to force herself not to go overboard. If Casey thought this was over kill she should have seen what Liz didn't buy but wanted too. "And this isn't from me. It's from the other judges."

Casey was stunned and it showed. She looked at the gift as if it might bite her if she opened it.

Liz laughed and nudged Casey's shoulder. "Open it, Casey, geesh."

"It's just unexpected." Casey said with a nervous chuckle as she opened the gift.

"Why?" Alex asked with a laugh. "They sent me a gift for Allie and Ollie."

Casey looked up at her friend and with a straight face and said, "They like you." She opened the envelope and raised an eyebrow. "Savings bonds and shares of stock in Apple?"

Liz laughed harder. "The stock is from Lena. She's a bit of an Apple head."

"Wow." Casey said, her shock turning to awe.

Liz put her hand on Casey's shoulder and smiled. "They like you too, Casey."

Once the party was over Casey found herself dozing on her friends' couch while they loaded Olivia's car with her gifts. When she felt someone sit beside her she opened her eyes and smiled. "Sorry, seems like I do that a lot lately."

"It's ok." Liz said with a smile of her own. "You're allowed to nap when you need it. You're carrying around a tiny little person in there."

As if it knew it was being talked about the baby kicked. Casey's eyes went a little wide, still not use to the feeling, and quickly grabbed Liz's hand without a word. She put the older woman's hand on her belly where the baby was kicking and simply smiled. Her smile brightened and grew when she saw the look on Liz's face as she felt the baby kick for the first time.

In the doorway Alex and Olivia watched and wondered if the two of them would ever realize they'd gone and fallen in love with each other.


	7. Chapter 7

Pregnancy had been both a wonderful experience and a tiresome one. Casey loved feeling her baby grow, she loved the anticipation, she loving knowing that soon she would be holding this tiny little person in her arms. She could however live without the leg cramps, the swollen ankles, the inability to find a comfortable way to sleep, and the multiple trips to the bathroom, the heartburn, and the gas. She loved looking down at her bare swollen belly and watching the little ripples as the baby moved, she loved it when Liz would talk to or read to the baby, but she missed the ability to tie her own damn shoes. Thank god Crocs had winter styles she could slip on. Liza was saying she'd deliver towards the end of December, which was closer then Casey realized as she waddled around her apartment Thanksgiving morning. She was having dinner at the Benson-Cabot's, but first she was having lunch with Liz. Liz would be at dinner, but she'd wanted to have a little time alone with her friend to ask her something important. Since Casey was too pregnant to actually do anything, Liz was having lunch at her brownstone. Liz sent a town car for Casey who thought it was a bit much but didn't put up much of a fight. Truth be told she kind of liked how Liz had been spoiling her.

"How are you feeling, Casey?" Liz asked as she helped the other woman take her coat off.

"Like a small whale." Casey replied as she let Liz guide her into the living room.

Liz chuckled softly. "It won't be long now. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Cran-grape juice please." Casey said with a sheepish smile. It was her latest craving and by far one of the more normal ones. One of the weirder ones had been her peanut butter and guacamole sandwich on banana walnut bread.

After a light lunch Casey and Liz sat on the couch in Liz's living room simply talking and enjoying each other's company. It was so easy for each of them to be around the other, to talk, laugh, even cry. Casey couldn't have gotten through this without Liz and she knew it, which is why she needed to talk to Liz about something. Liz had been there when she'd been implanted, when she'd found out she was pregnant, and at every doctors appointment and meeting with the midwife. Casey could call her any time of day or night and Liz would be there no matter what. They were in this together and Casey wouldn't have it any other way. Liz meant so much to her, and she wanted Liz to mean something to her child too, because Casey knew Liz loved the baby as much as she did.

"Liz." She said softly when there was a natural and comfortable lull in their conversation. She paused until she was sure she had Liz's full attention. "I've been thinking a lot recently about what happens after the baby comes." She paused a moment to look up into Liz's beautiful brown eyes. "You've been there for me every step of the way during this whole thing, and I know you'll be there after the baby comes too."

"I will, Casey." Liz said softly. "I promise. You're not in this alone."

"I know." Casey said with a loving smile. "And I know you mean that promise, which is why I know you're the right choice. I'd like you to be the baby's godmother and if it's not asking to much, his or her guardian if anything should happen to me."

Liz wasn't expecting that and it showed in her eyes. "Casey."

"I know what you're going to say." Casey cut in before Liz could continue. "Wouldn't someone like Alex and Liv be better? I love Alex and Olivia, and they've been there for me too, but you were there when I conceived, you were there when I took the pregnancy test, you were at the first ultrasound, you heard my baby's heartbeat with me for the first time. You've put up with all kinds of birthing and Lamaze classes. You've been a huge part of this baby's life already, Liz, and I'd like you to always be a part of it."

There were tears in Liz's eyes as she listened to Casey. It meant so much to her, more then Casey would ever know, and without realizing it she was already nodding her head. "I would be honored, Casey."

There was a moment where it seemed like both women wanted to say more and they very nearly did, but then Casey's cell phone shattered the moment and both women retreated from what they were going to say. "It's Alex." Casey said after reading the text message. "We can head over anytime we want."

Liz nodded as she cleared her throat. "I'll call for the car."

Internet shopping made buying Christmas presents doable for Casey this year. She was able to get the majority of her shopping done without having to leave her apartment, but she didn't want to completely miss out on the holiday buzz. There was something special about Manhattan at Christmas and Casey wanted to soak some of that in. She was in a little boutique jewelry shop looking at a necklace with little hand blown glass beads and gold leafing that she knew Liz would love. She was trying to find the perfect pair of earrings to go with it when she heard a familiar voice call out her name. Casey turned to see Serena standing there looking shocked.

"You're pregnant." Serena said as she stared at Casey's baby belly. "Really pregnant."

Casey put her hand on her belly as she nodded. "Yeah, I'm due in a couple of weeks actually."

"That's, um, that's wonderful Casey." Serena said uneasily. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." Casey said as she absentmindedly rubbed where the baby was kicking.

"So you've been good then?" Serena asked.

Casey nodded. "I've been great. How's Philadelphia?"

"It's good." Serena said. The awkwardness between them was something Serena hadn't expected. "I'm in town meeting with Mary and the partners and I thought I'd do a little shopping. Philly's great but it's not Manhattan."

"No place is like Manhattan." Casey said with a proud little smile.

There was a long awkward pause before the sales woman came over. "How about these dear?"

Casey turned back to the counter to look at the earrings she'd brought over and picked them up from the velvet mat so she could hold them along side the necklace. A huge smile broke out on her face when she said, "These are perfect. She'll love them. I'll take both."

"Wonderful choice." The sales woman said brightly as she began preparing the sale.

"She'll?" Serena asked carefully. "Are you seeing someone?"

Before thinking Casey said, "They're for Liz."

Serena's eyes went even winder. "Donnelly!"

Casey turned to look at the other woman. "Yes. We're friends."

"Friends?" Serena asked. "You and Liz Donnelly are friends?"

"Yes." Casey said as she crossed her arms as best she could over her chest. She wasn't really sure why she suddenly felt defensive, but there was just something in the way Serena was looking at her that bugged Casey. It probably had more to do with Casey herself then Serena. She'd been struggling with her feelings for Liz for weeks but she wouldn't admit that to anyone. She was barely admitting to herself that she was even having feeling about Liz that went beyond just being friends.

Serena looked at Casey, really looked at the redhead, and then she backed off. Casey looked good, she looked wonderful in fact, and she had no right to question the whos or whats in her life that put that light back in Casey's eyes. "Ok then."

Casey turned back around and finished her purchase before looking at Serena again. "It was nice seeing you, Serena. Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, you too, Merry Christmas." Serena replied before watching Casey leave.

There was a light snow falling as the cab Casey was riding in made it's way through the city. It was an absolutely beautiful sight to see. Casey couldn't help but smile as she watched the people out and about getting last minute things done. Despite the snow it was a clear Christmas Eve morning and she was on her way to Liz's to help make Holiday cookies. A soft giggle passed Casey's lips as she thought about Liz baking cookies, but apparently it was the other woman's favorite Christmas pastime. When they pulled up in front of Liz's brownstone the cabbie jumped out to help Casey out of the cab and up the stairs. She gave him a generous tip and wished him a happy holiday season before knocking on the door.

For the first time in years Liz had been looking forward to Christmas. Or more to the point she was looking forward to spending Christmas with Casey. Once upon a time this time of year had been Liz's favorite, but as the years went on and she found herself alone for the most part, her enjoyment of the season had faded. It was hard to be truly in the spirit when the holidays meant going to dull, over priced, socialite Christmas parties with people you could barley stand. This year was different. This year she was spending the holiday with Casey, and with Alex and Olivia, and for the first time in more years then she'd like to admit, Liz felt as if she were part of a family again. When Liz opened her front door to see the very pregnant redhead standing there her smile grew. "Come in, Casey. Lets get you two out of the cold."

"It's not really that cold." Casey protested though she was smiling as well. She handed Liz the gift bags she was carrying and then wiggled out of her coat, which she then handed to Liz as well so she could hand it up. After slipping off her winter Crocs and slipping on the house shoes Liz kept for her the redhead followed the taller, older blonde into her kitchen. As they made their way through the house Casey took in the Christmas décor. There was a huge tree in the corner that Casey had no doubt had been professionally decorated. There was garland and tinsel, lights and holly hung and draped over mantels and railings. There were Christmas cards on the piano and little nick knacks set around. It was all very simple, subtle, and very Liz. Casey listened to the soft Christmas music coming from the sound system and smiled. Liz's home was very warm and cheerful and she was taking it all in.

"You look kind of surprised." Liz said with a chuckle as she motioned for Casey to take a seat at her kitchen table.

"I wouldn't have pegged you as the Christmas cheer kind of person." Casey said honestly as she slowly lowered herself into the seat.

"This is a bit more then I normally do." Liz admitted. "But I do decorate. I like coming home to something warm and comforting after all the tedious holiday parties I attend every year, parties that have only gotten worse since I took the bench."

Casey watched with pure enjoyment and amusement as Liz set up all kinds of cookie decorating supplies on the table for her. It was clear what her job would be. Not many people got to see this side of Liz, and Casey had to admit to herself that she enjoyed holding this secret side to Judge Donnelly close, as if Liz showing her true self was a gift to Casey. Once they got a nice little rhythm going the two began chatting and laughing.

"So what was the best toy you ever got for Christmas?" Liz asked as she mixed batter for chocolate kiss peanut butter cookies. "And don't say it was a baseball mitt or a bat or some other baseball related thing."

Green eyes sparkled with laugher as Casey said, "No, actually it was the year I got the Crystal Castle play set to go with the She-Ra doll I got for my birthday. I had the horse too. It was my favorite cartoon. Still is."

Liz's laughter was so pure and happy that it was a little startling to hear it again after so many years. It had been a long time since Liz felt this way when she was around someone. Casey was special and she knew it. "I think my niece was into that show. I think I remember getting her a doll with earrings that lit up one year."

"That was Gem. I watched that one too." Casey said with a chuckle. There was a flicker of discomfort over the sudden reminder of their age difference, but it was just a flash and then it was gone. "What about you? What was your favorite childhood gift?"

"Hmm," Liz hummed as she thought about it and then she laughed. "I guess it would have been the James Bond spy kit I got the same year my father gave me all the James Bond books."

Casey's smile was huge and bright as she asked, "You're into James Bond? Who's your Bond?"

"Sean Connery." Liz said with a snort. "As if there were any other." She looked up just in time to catch the look on Casey's face. "Oh my god you're going to say someone else." She paused a moment, narrowed her eyes at the redhead and then said, "Roger Moore."

The redhead actually looked sheepish. "Only because he was in Live and Let Die and that was the first Bond movie I'd ever seen and I had such a crush on Jane Seymour in that movie."

Liz shook her head as she put a pan of cookies in the oven and then carried a pan of cooled cookies over to Casey. "Remind me to beat you after you give birth. Roger Moore. Good grief."

Casey started to laugh but her laugh quickly turned into a groan as she rested her hand on her belly.

"Are you ok?" Liz asked as her cheerfulness turned to concern.

"Yeah." Casey said as she took a couple of deep breaths. "I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions since last night."

Now Liz really looked worried. "Are you sure?"

"Yes Liz, I'm sure, I'm fine." Casey said as she smiled at her friend. "It's still too early."

"Not that early." Liz replied. "You're only a week away from your due date, and Liza said it could happen a week before then or a week after."

"I know." Casey said as she reached over and put her hand on Liz's arm in a comforting way. "They're happening every couple of hours and they're not very strong. They're just practice contractions. But they do seem to tick the baby off because there's always a really hard kick after" Taking Liz's hand she placed it on her belly. "See."

Liz wasn't convinced but she let it slide for now. She smiled at the very strong kick. "Just don't pull a Cabot. She nearly had Oliver in court."

After Liz made them lunch Casey was feeling a little tired and Liz let her use her guest room to take a nap. She'd been asleep for about an hour when a very strong, very painful contraction woke her up. This one felt different from ones before, and without knowing how she knew, Casey knew it was for real. "Liz! Liz!"

As soon as Liz heard Casey yell she knew what was going on. In a way she was kind of grateful that Casey was with her because she knew Casey had been scared of going into labor alone. In fact she had been planning on asking Casey to come stay with her until the baby was born, and was going to demand she stay the night. Racing up the stairs she was in the room just as Casey was yelling her name for the third time.

"I think I'm in labor!" Casey said with wide, panicked eyes.

Liz sat on the edge of the bed and took Casey's hand. "It'll be ok, Casey. We'll get you to St. Luke's, we'll call Liza, and let Dr. Roberts know what's going on. Can you stand?"

"I think so." Casey said as she let Liz help her up. The contraction had stopped and she could breath again. She was scared and excited all at once. As Liz wrapped her arm around her Casey looked up at the other woman and their gazes met. Something passed between them but there wasn't enough time to figure out what it was. All Casey knew was that the only person she wanted with her right now, the only person she wanted going through this with her was Liz.

That spark of whatever that passed through her when she'd looked into Casey's eyes let Liz know she was right where she wanted to be, right where she was needed. She called for a cab once they were downstairs and then called Casey's midwife. Liza reassured her that by the sound of it Casey was far off from delivering, so they had time to get to the birthing center so there was no need to panic. "Liza will met us there. Are you ok?"

Casey nodded as she rubbed her belly. "Yeah, no more contractions. Where's that damn cab."

"It'll be here soon." Liz said with a warm reassuring smile. She made sure everything in the kitchen was off as she called to leave a message for Olivia. When the cab arrived she helped Casey in before climbing in beside her and telling the cabbie where to go.

The room at the birthing center was large with a full sized bed, shower, and tub. It was meant to look like a bedroom rather then a hospital room so it would be more comforting to those women, like Casey, who didn't want drugs. Casey had watched a couple of documentaries early on in her pregnancy and quickly made the choice to avoid the drug trap, but she wasn't all into the idea of a home birth either so this worked out perfectly. The normal maternity ward was right downstairs and that gave Casey just as much comfort as the warmly decorated room she now found herself in.

She and Liz had been there about an hour when Olivia and Alex showed up with Casey's bag. "How are you doing, Case?" Olivia asked as she set the overnight bag down.

"I had another contraction about ten minutes ago." Casey said from the bed. "Liza said I'm just starting to dilate."

"Sounds like you have some time on your hands." Alex said with a soft smile.

Casey snorted. "Yeah, some of us don't like waiting until the last minute." Looking over at Liz she said, "Since I won't be alone, I'd love that fruit juice the nurse offered. Once I hit about six centimeters I'm cut off from everything but ice chips."

"Sure, I can do that." Liz said before leaving the room.

Once Liz was out of the room Casey spoke with Alex about something. She'd had come legal papers drawn up and she was pleased to see that Alex had brought them with her. She asked her friend to hold on to them for her, and asked if she'd take what she needed too to the nurse.

After Alex and Olivia left, leaving behind promises of returning tomorrow, Casey settled in for a short nap. Again she was awoken by a contraction and she knew that this was just the start of a very long process. Liz was amazing. When Casey wanted to walk around, Liz walked with her. When Casey was doubled over at the side of the bed with painful back spasms Liz rubbed and kneaded her back. She even sat through the Snoopy and Garfield Christmas specials, as well as the Celtic Woman Christmas DVD that Casey kept rewatching all night.

"Merry Christmas, Liz." Casey said softly as she lay in Liz's arms sometime around midnight. "I'm sorry I didn't get to give you your present."

Liz smiled softly as she squeezed Casey gently. "Merry Christmas, Casey. And it's ok. We'll just do presents when you two get home."

"Poor thing." Casey sighed. "Having a Christmas birthday, he or she is kinda getting jipped."

"I'm sure he or she will do well enough." Liz chuckled. "He or she has so many people who love him or her that he or she will think the whole holiday season is just for them."

Casey's labor progressed slowly the next day but it progressed. Her contractions came harder, lasted longer, and hit more often. Once she hit seven centimeters the last four came along quickly. Around eight o'clock Christmas Day evening Casey went into active labor.

"You're doing great, Case." Liz encouraged after Casey finished pushing. "Not much longer."

"Couple more, Casey." Liza said as she examined Casey's progress.

Casey was panting and soaked in sweat. She had never known such pain and discomfort but now that she was in what Liza called the baby zone, her body flooded with the right mix of hormones, she was more then ready to turn herself inside out if that meant getting her baby out.

"On the next contraction I want you to really bare down." Liza said. "Lets see if we can't get this little one to crown."

As soon as the contraction hit Casey pushed, Liza counted, and Liz encouraged. "That's it, Case, you're doing it sweetie, a little longer, a little more. Ok, breath honey."

"Good job." Liza said from between Casey's legs. "I see the top of your baby's head, Casey, they're almost here. The next one is going to be the hardest one, but once the head and shoulders are out we're good as gold."

On the next push Casey roared in pain as her baby's head and shoulders passed and then there was then overwhelming sense of euphoria. Moments after she felt the baby's head and shoulder's come out, the rest of it came out, and then the room was filled with the most beautiful sound.

There were tears in Liz's eyes and a stunning smile on her face as she watched the midwife put the baby on Casey's chest. "It's a girl, Casey, a beautiful little girl."

"A girl." Casey said as she sank back into the pillows. Tears soaked her face as she looked down at the screaming newborn on her chest. Fresh tears welled as Liz helped put the baby in her arms properly while Liza delivered the afterbirth and did what she needed to do. "Hello sweet girl." Casey said, her voice horse and thick with emotion. "Hello my little Christmas angel."

"She's beautiful." Liz said softly as she watched Casey cradling her newborn daughter. She was feeling so blessed for getting to be a part of this. In that moment as she watched Casey and the baby, as she reached out to caress the newborn's skin, Liz knew this was her family, the one she was meant to have, and yet they weren't quite hers at all. "Does she have a name, Casey?"

Casey nodded as she stared at her baby. "Elizabeth." Casey looked up into Liz's eyes, and than back at her baby girl. "Elizabeth Kate Noel Novak."

Liz was stunned and overwhelmed at hearing the name. "Casey, I'm… I…" Even though her vision was blurred with tears Liz could see something was wrong. She watched as Casey closed her eyes, her skin growing pale, her body going limp. She heard Liza's voice as if it were coming to her down a long tunnel.

"Page the doctor!" Liza told the nurse. "She's loosing to much blood to quickly."

A nurse took the baby from Casey's arms as Liz watched. It only took a second for her to snap into Judge Donnelly mode. "What's going on? What's happening?"

"I think Casey's suffering from a postpartum hemorrhage." Liza said honestly. "It happens, we're prepared." She took the now clean and swaddled baby from the nurse and held her out to Liz. "Right now the best thing you can do is stay with the baby. Let the doctor help Casey."

Liz took the baby into her arms and looked down into her tiny, beautiful face. Casey had wanted her so badly; she couldn't loose it all now, not when she was on the brink of finally having the full life she'd longed for. As she looked down into the baby's face Liz knew she didn't just mean Casey either, she was talking about herself as well. She'd lost a lot in her life, she wouldn't loose Casey; they wouldn't loose Casey. She was still looking at the baby when she heard the doctor come in. She barely heard what he said until she heard the word surgery, that's when her head snapped up and her attention turned to the medical staff.

"Who's her next of kin?" Doctor Roberts asked.

"None listed." The nurse replied. "Ms. Donnelly is listened as medical power of attorney for her and the baby."

Liz blinked. She was?

"Ms. Novak's attorney brought us the paperwork yesterday." The nurse continued.

Doctor Roberts turned his attention to Liz. He explained what was going on and that Casey needed surgery, and that she needed it now. Because Casey had made her power of attorney, they needed Liz's permission to go ahead. "Do what you have to." Liz said without hesitation. They couldn't loose Casey. "This little girl needs her mother." And she needed the woman she was in love with. "Please. Do whatever you have too. Just save her."


	8. Chapter 8

Two of the room's occupants were sound asleep. One in the hospital bed, its stark white sheets making the already pale woman look even more washed out. Her red hair was splayed out over the hypoallergenic hospital pillow as her chest rose and fell slowly. The machines around the redhead beeped softly so they wouldn't disturb the other sleeping occupant, the tiny little Christmas angel snuggly wrapped in her pink blanket as she slept in the little plastic hospital bassinet. The third person in the room was wide-awake and watching over the other two as if she were protecting them from the rest of the world. Liz sat at Casey's bedside, holding the younger woman's hand, waiting for Casey to wake up. There were many causes for a postpartum hemorrhage. In Casey's case it was a tear in a uterine blood vessel. Doctor Roberts was able to repair the tear, but in the process Casey lost a lot of blood. Hanging from the IV rack was a pint of O negative blood, fluids, and some medications to fight off infection and lessen pain. The doctors had done what they could; now it was just a matter of waiting for Casey to respond and wake up.

Liz had meant what she said to the doctor about the baby needing her mother, but what she hadn't said out loud, what she hadn't even said to herself until that moment was that she needed Casey too. She had always admired Casey and they had easily become friends, much easier in fact then she and Alex had. Then she'd felt a flicker of attraction in the stairwell that day Casey had called out to her after asking her to recuse herself from a case. The way Casey had called out Elizabeth had sent a shock through Liz's system that she tried desperately to ignore. She'd felt it again when she'd come home and found Casey bopping around her kitchen listening to some nu-metal alterative rock band while making dinner when Casey had been staying with her and she realized just how easily she could fall in love with this woman.

There was a soft knock on the door and Liz looked over her shoulder just in time to see Olivia walk in.

"How is she?" Olivia asked softly as she moved closer to her friend's bedside.

"Still weak." Liz answered. "But the doctors said everything looks good. It's just a matter of her body recovering and gaining strength."

The dark haired detective nodded as she looked down at Casey lying in that bed. It wasn't the first time Olivia was faced with the sight and it wasn't any easier now then it was after a victim's brother had beaten the hell out of Casey. Reaching her hand out Olivia took Casey's in her own and squeezed it, letting her friend know she was there and that she cared. Then she looked up at Liz. "When she wakes up are you going to tell her you're in love with her?"

Liz's eyes went wide before they narrowed. Her body became tense, defensive, and her tone of voice became threatening. "Excuse me Detective?"

"Put Judge Donnelly away, Liz." Olivia said with a shake of her head. "Look, I've been where you are. I know how it feels to love someone but you're too afraid of loosing her to say anything so you force yourself to accept what you can get from her. Alex and I missed out on a lot of time we could have been together but weren't because we were scared. Step up, Liz. Tell her how you feel. You might be surprised at what it gets you."

"But what will it get her?" Liz asked as she looked from Olivia to Casey. "A woman twice her age who will more often then not be mistaken for her child's grandmother? A lover most people will assume is her mother? A partner that most people see as being a ruthless, heartless, cold, bitch?"

"She'll get a woman who loves her, a woman she loves, and a lover she can trust." Olivia replied. "And no one who knows you, the real you, thinks you're any of those things."

Liz sighed. She didn't know what to say so she said nothing. Thankfully Olivia didn't push the subject. They talked about little Elizabeth and how beautiful she was, and how they both knew Casey would be waking up soon. After Olivia left Liz got up and walked over to the window. She watched as it snowed while the sun went down. Her heart constricted as she thought about how at this time yesterday Casey was in surgery and she felt as if she were in some kind of limbo. When Casey first showed up at her door Liz told her that life was about taking risks and sometimes those risks didn't work out, but sometimes they led to the best things in your life. Was she ready to take this risk?

The soft crying of a newborn interrupted her thoughts and caused Liz to smile. She walked over to the little bassinet and carefully picked the baby up, holding her close to her chest. "Hello little one. Did you have a nice rest? I bet you're hungry aren't you? Well, I'm sure that nice Nurse Lynn will be here very shortly with your bottle, and if she isn't then your Auntie Liz will just have to go all Judge Donnelly on her now won't she?"

Liz walked over and sat in the rocking chair as they waited on little Elizabeth's bottle. Sure enough a few moments later the nurse arrived and handed a small newborn sized bottle to Liz. Liz offered the bottle to the baby who looked slightly put off at being offered a bottle, which made Liz chuckle softly. "I know it's not nearly as good as Mama's milk but it'll have to do until she's awake and off all the drugs." Little Elizabeth finally gave in after a few more seconds of holding out and took the fake nipple into her mouth and began to suck. "That's a good girl." Liz cooed. She rocked gently as the baby ate and then after several ounces were consumed she put the baby to her shoulder to burp her. "I almost had a little one like you once, a long, long time ago, but there was an accident and she never got to be born. You're a lucky little girl Elizabeth Kate. You're here, and you're strong, and you're healthy, and you have a Mama who loves you so very much." After the baby burped and Liz offered her a little more milk she added, "And you have me too." She smiled down at the baby. "I've gone and fallen in love with two Novak women. What am I suppose to do about that, hmm?"

An hour or so later there was a gentle knock on the door. Liz looked up from the book she was reading to see Fin walking in. "Detective."

"Your Honor." Fin said with a nod. "I thought you could use a break."

"Thank you but I'm fine." Liz said softly. The baby was asleep and she didn't want to wake her. Casey was still unconscious, the doctor and nurses were reassuring, but Liz was still worried. They kept telling her that Casey would most likely be out until sometime tomorrow. She'd explained that to Olivia when Casey's friend called to check in, and Olivia had passed it on to Fin.

"Casey's going to be out the rest of the night." Fin said. "You should at least go home and grab a shower and something to eat. I'll stay with Casey and the baby." He walked over to the bassinet and peered down at the sleeping newborn who had yet to properly meet her mother. "I'll take good care of them, I promise. Besides, I should get to know my godchild." He looked up at the woman sitting at Casey's bedside. "You'll feel a lot better with a break, and that'll be better for you and Casey when she wakes up."

Liz didn't want to leave but Fin was right. She hadn't left the hospital since they'd arrived. Olivia had brought her a clean change of clothes and she'd used the hospital showers. It would feel good to get under the pounding pressure of her own shower and let it beat away the stress and the general ick of being in the hospital far to long. Liz heaved a heavy sigh and after several long minutes of internal debate, nodded. "Alright. I'll be back in an hour or so."

"Take your time." Fin advised. Once Liz was gone Fin took her seat beside his friend's bed. "That woman loves you Case. You need to wake up for her and your baby. Don't keep her hangin' sis. You need to tell her how you feel."

The warm winter sun was just starting to peek through the hospital window. Liz was back in her chair beside Casey's bed. She had her head down on the edge of the bed, dozing lightly. There was a soft moan and the blonde's head snapped up. She watched, holding her breath, as Casey began stirring.

Casey's voice was horse and cracked as she whispered, "Liz."

"Right here, Casey." Liz said as she took Casey's hand in her own.

The redhead was still out of it. She was caught between her dreams and reality, stuck in that in-between place of consciousness and oblivion. "Liz." She murmured again. "I love you."

Liz looked as if she'd just been shot. She'd wanted to hear those words, to say them back, but she'd convinced herself that Casey didn't feel the way she did. Maybe she still didn't, maybe Casey didn't mean I love you the way Liz meant it, but then again maybe she did. Leaning over Liz placed a soft kiss on Casey's forehead and whispered back, "I love you too, Casey."

Casey slept for a few more hours before she finally started to really come around. Liz was sitting in the rocker feeding little Elizabeth and singing softly when she heard the first gentle moans. She watched, holding her breath, as Casey began moving her head and trying to lift her hands. Getting up she went over and sat gently on the edge of Casey's bed, the baby still in her arms. "Casey?"

"Liz?" Casey replied as her eyes fluttered open and then closed again, pain shooting through her head from the bright light. "What…what happened?"

"There was a complication, a blood vessel tore during delivery and you lost a lot of blood, but it was repaired in surgery and you're going to be fine." Liz said as she used her free hand to get Casey some water. "Sip this." She said as she offered the redhead the straw.

Casey sipped, the water soothing her dry throat. Then her eyes flew open. "Elizabeth?" Casey asked, her eyes quickly filling with fear. "Is Elizabeth alright?"

"She's perfect." Liz said with the biggest smile. She looked down at the baby snuggled in her arms. "Hey sweetie. Someone's awake and asking for you."

Tears welled in Casey's eyes as Liz settled the baby into her arms. As soon as Casey looked down into her daughter's face all those emotions from after the delivery came flooding back. "She's so beautiful."

"Just like her mother." Liz said softly.

Emotional green eyes looked into equally emotional brown ones. It startled Casey to see not just relief and caring in those pretty brown eyes but also love. But was it the kind of love she wanted to see in Liz's eyes or was she just seeing what she wanted to see?

Just when it seemed like Liz was going to say something the door opened and a nurse walked in. "Oh good your awake." She said as she walked over to the bed. "How long have you been awake?"

"Just a few minutes." Liz answered as she stood to get out of the nurse's way.

"You gave your friends quite the scare you know. You've had quite the stream of visitors." The Nurse said before asking, "How do you feel?"

The redhead had to take a moment to gather her senses and do an internal check. "Tired, a little sore."

"Good, good." The nurse said. "You're on pain meds but you're surgery was done microscopically, so it wasn't nearly as invasive. In a couple of days you'll be off the meds all together and once your system is clean you'll be able to breast feed if you want."

Casey nodded. She had wanted to breast-feed. She'd been looking forward to those moments, to the bonding between her and her child.

The nurse smiled. "You're friend here has been taking very good care of little Elizabeth. She's perfectly healthy and all her baby scores were nice and high. She's pretty much ready to go home. We just need to get her mommy back on her feet." When she was finished looking Casey over and checking the monitors she said, "The doctor will come see you soon. Can I get you anything in the mean time?"

"No thank you." Casey said with a slight shake of her head just as the baby began crying. Casey looked a little panicked at first, but then relaxed when Liz took the baby and began soothing her. She watched as Liz comforted the baby, picking up her bottle as if it had become second nature and offering it to the little howler monkey in her arms. Casey couldn't help but smile. She also couldn't help the flash of jealously she felt. She should be feeding her baby, she should be comforting her when she cries, and yet it touched her heart to see Liz doing those things for her child.

Once the baby was feed and burped Liz carried her back over to Casey. Holding her baby girl in her arms was the most amazing thing Casey had ever experienced. Before she'd passed out she had felt this amazing burst of love that was so pure it was staggering. She knew that she would love this little girl unconditionally forever, and that she would do anything and everything to protect her. "Hello little girl." Casey whispered to the baby in her arms. "Mommy's sorry she hasn't been around, but I'm here now, and everything's going to be ok." Casey let the tears roll down her cheeks as she looked down at her daughter. "My beautiful little Elizabeth."

The next day when Casey was feeling stronger her friends started to stop by. Olivia and Alex shooed Liz home for some sleep, promising to stay with Casey until she came back. Alex was sitting with Casey, both women cooing over the baby, while Olivia made a coffee run. Alex smiled at the way Casey was with the baby; at the way Casey seemed so blissfully happy. Casey almost had everything she ever wanted and as her friend Alex was happy about that. Now if she could just get Casey to reach out and take that final piece of the puzzle. "Casey," She said softly so she wouldn't startle little Elizabeth. "Have you talked to Liz?"

"I talk to Liz all the time." Casey replied as she forced herself to look up at Alex rather then down at the baby in her arms.

Alex rolled her eyes. "I meant, have you talked to her about how you feel about her?"

"What are you talking about?" Casey asked. "Liz knows how I feel. She knows I love her and care about her and…"

"That you're in love with her?" Alex asked pointedly.

Casey swallowed. "I'm not…"

"You are." Alex said. "And she's in love with you."

"Alex." Casey said with a slightly hard tone.

"She went home for an hour to shower and change." Alex said, ignoring Casey's drop it tone. "That was the only time she left your side, and she only did that because Fin promised to stay with you. She stepped up and took care of Elizabeth Kate, even though Liv and I both offered too. She sat here, at your side, holding your hand until you woke up. Casey, that woman is in love with you." She paused a moment to let that sink in before she continued. "You gave her power of attorney over you, named her your child's guardian, and for God's sake Casey you named your daughter after her. You laugh more when you're around her. Your eyes light up when she smiles. You smile when she laughs. Admit it Casey. You are in love with Elizabeth Donnelly."

Casey was quiet for a few minutes. There had to have been something between them to make Casey turn to Liz when she was feeling her lowest. She'd assumed at first that it was just their friendship, but she had a close friendship with Alex and Olivia, and with Fin, and yet it was Elizabeth she turned too. It was Liz's disappointment in her that always hurt the most, and it was her pride that always made Casey soar. It was Liz she wanted with her during this whole process; it was Liz she wanted to share the good and the bad with. It was Liz she thought about at random moments of the day; her voice made Casey smile, and her touch that made Casey know everything was all right. Minutes had passed but they had felt like hours. Finally Casey said, "Alright, yes, I admit it. I've fallen in love with Elizabeth Donnelly."

Alex beamed like she'd just won the biggest case of her life. "Now you just have to tell her that."

"I can't." Casey said softly as looked at her friend.

"Why not?" Alex asked.

Casey was silent for a few moments before admitting, "I'm scared."

"Love is a scary thing." Alex agreed with a nod of her head. "It's a risk, but it's a risk worth taking. Come on Casey." Alex said, as she looked the other woman in the eyes. "You single handedly took on the department of defense. You subpoenaed Donald Rumsfeld to testify before the Grand Jury. You prosecute the hardest cases any lawyer can ever face and you win. You were able to get the squad to love you when all they wanted to do was blame you for not being me. You turned Olivia into your best friend. Hell after that telling Donnelly how you feel about her should be a piece of cake."

"I don't want to get hurt again, Alex." Casey said, her voice almost pleading for Alex to stop. "And I don't want Elizabeth Kate to get hurt either."

Alex looked Casey right in the eyes and said, "If you really thought she was the type to walk away you wouldn't have named this beautiful little girl after her. She loves you, Casey, and she loves your daughter. This is your chance at happiness, Casey. Take it, damn it."


	9. Chapter 9

It felt so good to be out of the hospital. There was just something about a hospital that wouldn't let a person get comfortable and feel relaxed. Thankfully, because her surgery had been done microscopically, Casey hadn't needed a long stay but she would need a lot of rest to help with her recovery. Standing in the hall outside her apartment watching Liz, who was shouldering her bag, the baby's bag, and her own purse while unlocking the door as Casey held onto Elizabeth Kate's carrier made her smile a little. Liz had been a little leery of her coming home so soon after having surgery and declared that she would be staying with Casey and the baby for the next few days. She also made arrangements, despite Casey's protests, to hire a nurse that would come to Casey's apartment after the holiday. Ever since her talk with Alex, Casey couldn't help but look at Liz differently and question every little action the other woman took. She was looking for the perfect reassurance that if she told Liz how she felt she wouldn't be rejected, but how do you tell if someone is doing something for you because they love you as a friend or because they're in love with you?

"Welcome home you two." Liz said with a warm smile as she pushed open the door so Casey and the baby could go inside.

Casey mirrored that smile as she walked into her apartment and sighed happily. "Oh it's good to be home." She said as she carried the baby carried over to the coffee table. She set it down, moved the handle, and then lifted her daughter out and into her arms. "We're home baby girl."

Liz closed and locked the door and then stood there and watched as Casey snuggled into the couch with Elizabeth Kate snuggled in her arms. Casey holding her baby was a beautiful sight and Liz never got tied of seeing it. Several times over the last couple of days she nearly told Casey how she felt about her, but there was always this little strand of doubt that kept her from taking the leap. She needed to find something to snip that strand with, because she knew she wouldn't be happy with anything less than having Casey, loving Casey, and being loved by Casey in return. Damn that woman, she thought as she moved to sit beside the redhead, and what she's done to me.

"I got you two a present." Liz said softly as she reached out to caress the baby's soft baby red hair. "It's in the nursery."

"Liz." Casey said as she looked up into the older woman's dark eyes.

"Don't Liz me." Liz replied. "Just go see."

Casey got to her feet and carried Elizabeth Kate into the nursery with Liz at her back. She gasped softly at the beautiful antique rocking chair that was in the corner of the room near the window. "Oh Liz it's beautiful."

The smile on Liz's face as Casey walked over and gently sat in the rocker was radiant. "I'm glad you like it."

"We're going to love it." Casey said as she began to gently rock.

After Elizabeth Kate was feed, bathed, changed, and put down for a few hours Casey and Liz settled in on Casey's sofa. Liz ordered Chinese and made sure Casey took her meds and now they were watching a movie and relaxing. Outside the city was starting to come alive. New York thrived on New Years Eve. People were starting to head out for the night, parties were just about to get underway, crowds were gathering in Times Square, and the energy from that washed over the whole city. While Liz made nachos in the kitchen Casey stood by the window watching her city and its people as they went about their holiday plans. "You could be out there."

Liz looked up from what she was doing. "I'm right where I want to be, Casey."

Casey gave Liz a soft smile as their eyes met. When Elizabeth Kate woke up Casey went to the nursery after warming a bottle. She was still on pain meds which meant she wouldn't be able to breast feed, though she was pumping hoping that when her system was clean she could at least try. As she feed her daughter, rocking her in the gift Liz had just given them, she whispered so softly she barely heard herself, "I need to tell her." Her six-day-old daughter looked up at her with bright eyes that seemed to say, yes, yes you do. Casey chuckled softly.

As midnight quickly approached Liz found herself paying more attention to Casey then Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest. There had always been something about Casey that Liz had felt drawn too. The younger woman was smart, clever, and earnest. There had been times when Liz worried that Special Victims would swallow the girl up, but time and time again Casey proved she was tougher then she looked. She was stubborn and could still drive Liz crazy because of it, but she was also variable in a way that made her strong. Casey was funny and silly and down to earth, and Liz smiled and laughed more with her then she did with anyone else she'd ever known. Liz also knew that Casey had the power to hurt her like she'd never been hurt before. Liz had spent a lot of years protecting herself from that kind of hurt, but deep down she knew Casey would be worth it.

"Do you make resolutions?" Liz suddenly asked, thinking maybe she'd made one this year. Maybe she'd make a resolution to practice what she preached when it came to taking risks to find happiness.

Casey turned to look at the older woman sitting beside her on her couch. "Not normally." She answered. "But this year I think I might."

Liz smiled, amused that Casey had had the same idea she'd had. "And what might that resolution be?"

The redhead bit her lip for a moment and then shifted carefully so she was facing Liz. It was now or never. She couldn't explain it but something inside Casey said do it now. "To get out of my own why when it comes to being happy."

"You have everything you wanted, Casey." Liz said softly as she looked into Casey's beautiful green eyes. "Aren't you happy?"

"Almost." Casey admitted. "I've done what I set out to do. I proved I could live my life on my own, on my own terms, and for me. You're right, I do have everything I wanted, but now there's something else I want."

Liz swallowed against a suddenly dry throat. Would it be too much to hope Casey was going to say what she wanted her to say so badly? "What else do you want Casey?"

"I don't want to do it on my own anymore." Casey answered. "I want to take that final piece that will make everything whole." Casey leaned in and placed a feather light kiss on Liz's lips. When she pulled back she said, "I want you."

"Casey." Liz breathed out softly.

"I've fallen in love with you, Elizabeth." Casey said just as softly. It was almost as it they were both afraid that if they spoke any louder the moment would shatter.

Liz reached up and cupped Casey's face in her hands. She looked into Casey's eyes for a moment and saw what she'd wanted to see there for so long, the mirrored mix of emotion that she felt, love, adoration, support and caring. Leaning in Liz kissed Casey. It was a gentle kiss at first but then Casey deepened it a little. When the kiss ended Liz pressed her forehead to Casey's as she said, "I've fallen in love with you too, Casey."

Hearing those words for real was better then anything Casey had dreamed up. As she looked into Liz's tear shimmering brown eyes she could hear the countdown as the ball in Times Square began to drop. Neither woman said a word as they listened but when the countdown hit zero and the New Year song began to play they closed the small distance between each other and kissed again. So much emotion swirled in that kiss that it was overwhelming, a little frightening, and so very exciting. It was a quiet promise of something good yet to come. It was a promise of happiness and fulfillment. It was one hell of a kiss.

"Happy New Year, Elizabeth." Casey whispered.

"Happy New Year, Casey." Liz replied.

New Years Day had been spent talking about all the things that Casey and Liz had wanted to say for months. There had also been lots of soft touches and heated kisses. They agreed to take things slow, to let things progress naturally the way they had been. Once Casey had recovered from her surgery Liz asked her out on a proper date and Casey had accepted. She was looking forward to her date with Liz, but the new mother in her didn't want to leave Elizabeth Kate even if she did trust Fin to watch her. After Casey was finished getting ready, Liz had said dressy casual so she was wearing flared black jeans and a hunter green silk top, she stepped out of her bedroom carrying her favorite pair of boots and her earrings.

"Are you sure you're ok with this?" The redhead asked the man sitting on her couch making faces at the just over a month old baby in her boppy cradle comfort bouncy seat. "I mean it is Valentine's Day."

Fin looked up at Casey, who was sitting in the chair near him putting in her earrings, and smiled. "Don't worry about us. We'll be just fine. This is your first real date, Casey. Go out and enjoy yourself. Have fun with your woman."

Casey couldn't help but laugh. It was still a bit startling and new to think of Liz Donnelly as her woman. "I don't know what Liz has planned so I don't know how long I'll be out."

"I ain't got any place to be so no sweat." Fin reassured.

A few minutes later there was a soft knock on the door. Liz smiled when Casey answered. She'd wanted tonight to be simple and fun. It was a little more stressful then a normal first date because it was Valentine's Day, but Liz hoped she'd kept it low key enough that Casey wouldn't feel any pressure. "You look great." Liz said before leaning in for a kiss. "I love the color of the top."

"I thought you might." Casey said as she let Liz in. Liz had on black slacks, a white blouse and fitted black leather coat that made the redhead smirk. "I like the coat."

Liz smiled brightly at Casey before making her way over to the baby. "Hello Fin." She greeted before picking the baby up. "And hello my little angel."

"Your Honor." Fin replied with a subtle grin on his face.

Liz had come early because she knew it would be hard for both Casey and herself to leave Elizabeth Kate behind. Once they'd peeled themselves away from too cute for words infant, they made their way to the town car Liz had waiting for them. They chatted about the baby for a little while and then Casey asked, "So what's the plan for tonight?"

"Dinner at Zenon Taverna." Liz said and then watched Casey's face light up. Casey's favorite foods were Mediterranean, with Greek being at the top of the list so Zenon's was perfect. "Then I seem to remember you had a fondness for a particular Celtic rock band."

Casey nodded, her eyes bright and her grin growing brighter. "Seven Nations."

The pure excitement in Casey's beautiful green eyes was intoxicating to Liz. "They happen to be playing at Paddy Reilly's tonight, so I thought we'd catch the show there."

"Sounds perfect." Casey replied. It amazed her that Liz had put so much thought into what she liked when it came to planning their first date. As they made their way through the city she was already thinking about ways to make their next date about what Liz liked.

Dinner had been wonderful and the show was amazing. Even Liz got into the mix of rock and traditional Irish that made up the sound of the band. When they got back to the apartment it was late. Liz stayed for a little while after Fin left but nothing more then cooing over the sleeping baby and some careful exploration happened. Both women had the most amazing smiles on their faces after their goodnight kiss. Casey was happy in a way she'd never known before when she fell into bed that night.

Their second date, which Casey had planned, was a few weeks later on a Saturday afternoon while Olivia watched the baby. Dating was not easy with an infant but they were managing just fine. They spent almost everyday together either at Casey's apartment or Liz's brownstone, but proper dates were coming few and far between. Casey knew that Liz loved Italy, she loved Italian food, and had a mad foodie crush on Mario Batali so they spent the whole day roaming and eating their way through his Eataly restaurant slash mega market.

"So you two still haven't done it?" Alex asked as she and Casey sat in living room of the Benson-Cabot brownstone a few days after Liz had taken Casey to see La Boheme at the Met.

Casey shook her head. "We're taking it slow. Letting things happen naturally."

"Casey, Liz isn't getting any younger." Alex teased. "If you take it any slower all the really good stuff will end up breaking her hip or something."

The redhead shot the blonde a heated look.

Alex held her hands up in surrender. "Sorry."

She and Liz were well aware of the age difference but it didn't bother them, but that didn't mean Casey didn't get her feathers ruffled when someone teased them about it.

"Seriously Casey." Alex said, a little more mindful of her words and tone. "What are you two waiting for?"

Casey sighed. "I think we're both a little nervous."

"I can understand that." Alex said with a nod of her head. "I felt that way about being with Liv. Stop waiting for the perfect moment, Casey. Take the moment that's given to you."

Alex's words kept echoing through Casey's head for the next couple of days until she realized the blonde way right. With a baby around the perfect moment wasn't likely to just happen, Casey had to make it happen. Looking up from her laptop one evening when she heard Liz coming down the stairs of the brownstone, Casey smiled. "Is she asleep?"

"Like a beautiful little light." Liz replied as she joined Casey on the sofa in her living room. She'd been pleasantly surprised to find Casey and Elizabeth Kate waiting for her at the brownstone when she got home that evening. Casey had made dinner and they'd spent the evening just talking and playing with the baby. It was the best way Liz could think of to end the workweek.

"Good." Casey said as she moved her laptop to the coffee table. Then she suddenly shifted, throwing one leg over Liz's lap so she was straddling her lap. Questioning brown eyes gazed up into Casey's bright green ones as Casey searched for the silent go ahead. When she caught that flicker of desire and lust she was hoping to see in Liz's eyes she leaned in and kissed the woman hard. She moaned softly into the kiss when she felt Liz's arms go around her. When the passionate kiss ended Casey whispered, "Lets go upstairs."

"Are you sure?" Liz asked as she continued to gaze into her girlfriend's eyes.

Casey nodded. "I want you." She whispered. "And I'm done waiting."

The smirk on Liz's face was huge as she helped Casey stand and then took her hand to lead her upstairs to the bedroom. When Casey finally went to sleep sometime the next morning she had the most radiant smile on her face. Liz watched Casey sleep and checked on the baby before finally allowing herself to surrender to sleep herself.


	10. Chapter 10

Sitting in the pew at St. Bernadette's waiting for the Christmas Eve children's recital to start, Casey took the peaceful moment to think about everything that had happened in her life over the past year. At this time last year she was in the hospital in labor, just hours away from giving birth to the most beautiful little girl she'd ever seen. Elizabeth Kate was the light of her life and so was the woman sitting beside her holding their little Christmas angel on her lap. Casey had a family of her own and it still seemed too unreal to her at times. She and Liz had been dating for nearly a year and everything about their relationship just felt so right to Casey. She wondered why she hadn't felt this way before, she'd know Liz for years, but then she figured she needed to be in this place in her life for this all to work. It was simply their time and it couldn't have been rushed.

The music began softly; the young men's choir up in the choir loft began a Latin chant, the rat-a-tat of drums could be head in the back of the church. A line of little drummer boys began marching down the center isle with four-year-old Oliver Benson-Cabot leading the way as he tapped on his little drum. On stage Oliver's big sister Allison was waiting for her cue to began her very first solo. The almost one-year-old redhead sitting in Liz's lap clapped her cubby little hands when she saw her favorite cousins. Elizabeth Kate had red hair like her mother, but her eyes were hazel. Those bright happy eyes looked like a perfect mix of Casey's green eyes and Liz's brown eyes, and it dazzled Casey every time she looked into them. The baby continued to clap and twitch her little feet to the music while Casey turned her attention back to the Cabot children. She beamed like the proud godmother she was as her best friends' kids stole the whole show. As Allie sang the manger kids behind her played out their parts, with Oliver taking on the role of the little drummer boy. Casey glanced over at her friends to watch them as they watched their children. Olivia was radiant and not just from her pregnancy. She and Alex both beamed with pure joy and pride as they watched their kids and marveled at Allie's beautiful voice. Turning her head to look to her other side, Casey smiled at the look of peace and joy on her lover's face. This was the first time Liz had joined them for mass and the recital at Father Brendan Macalister's independent Catholic church. Father Macalister opened the church to everyone without prejudice in honor of his late sister Bernadette, who had been Allie's biological paternal grandmother's partner, after the Diocese of New York forced him out of Our Lady of Mercy.

When Casey turned back to the stage she watched as little Ollie played his drum for the baby Jesus and chuckled softly as Elizabeth Kate blew kisses towards Ollie and Allie over and over again between giggles. After his part was played Oliver joined them in the pew while Allie remained with the choir. As she watched Olivia and Alex hug and kiss their son, praising him for his wonderful performance, Casey smiled and thought that she couldn't wait until it was Elizabeth Kate who was stealing the show with her cuteness. But then as she looked at her daughter who was snuggling close to Liz as she grew sleepy, Casey thought she was in no real hurry for her baby to grow up at all. Moments after the lights dimmed so the choirs could perform Holy Night and Silent Night, the last songs of the night, by candlelight, Elizabeth Kate was out like a light. The small redhead had her little head on Liz's shoulder, her round little baby face tucked into Liz's neck, her little fist clutched tightly around the fabric of Liz's blouse. It was one of the most precious sights Casey had ever seen and it made her fall even more in love with both of them.

"You were amazing, Allie." Casey said once Allie joined them in the vestibule of the church.

The young blonde smiled a radiant smile at her aunt. "Thank you, Aunt Casey."

"Absolutely beautiful." Liz added, causing Allie to blush.

Elizabeth Kate was still out cold when they finally made it back to the brownstone. It had been a big day for the little girl. It had started with Breakfast with Santa at the Rock Center Café and was ending with the recital. The rest of Christmas Eve would be spent at home, just the three of them. Though Casey still had her apartment she and Elizabeth Kate spent most of their time, and many of their nights, at the brownstone. "Come on angel." Casey said softly as she climbed the stairs. "Lets get you out of your pretty Christmas dress and into some comfy jammies."

Liz watched her family head upstairs and not for the first time was startled by the idea of having a family. She'd been on her own for so long that she'd given up on having a family, which made loving Casey and the baby and having them love her in return that much more special. It had taken some work on both their parts, because building a relationship wasn't easy when there wasn't a child involved, but they'd done it and it was the strongest most stable relationship Liz had ever had. The smile that never seemed to completely fade these days grew brighter when her two favorite redheads returned. "You didn't put her down?"

"She woke up while I was changing her." Casey said as she walked over to join Liz on the sofa. "Besides, if we put her to bed this early she'll be up before dawn tomorrow."

"Are you excited about tomorrow, Katie?" Liz asked as she handed Elizabeth Kate her favorite stuffed toy. "I bet Santa leaves you lots and lots of presents."

"Because "Santa" went completely insane every time she set foot in a toy store." Casey teased as she looked between her daughter and her lover.

Liz chuckled. "Maybe a little."

"And when the bills start coming in January we get to listen to "Santa" grumble about them." Casey continued with her teasing.

Liz snorted. "I will not."

"We'll see." Casey chuckled as she leaned into her lover. She sighed softly in contentment when Liz wrapped an arm around her while they played with their little girl. As they sat on the sofa, their Christmas tree casting colorful lights on the ceiling that kept Elizabeth Kate entertained, Casey couldn't think of how this moment could get any better.

Later that evening Liz found herself thinking the same thing as she sat in the rocking chair in the nursery rocking Elizabeth Kate as she read her a story. "The Carpenter's Gift. A Christmas Tale about the Rockefeller Center Tree." Liz read as she opened the book. "Do you remember the big tree we saw today Katie? That's the Rockefeller tree." She explained before starting the story.

"Nearly a lifetime had passed, but Henry could still remember…"

From the doorway Casey watched as Liz read and rocked their daughter. It was so easy, so natural, to think of Elizabeth Kate as their daughter not just her daughter. Liz had been there every step of the way even before they were a couple so it was only natural that she was theirs. And Elizabeth Kate knew she was theirs, she knew the two women were her mommies, and had even taken it upon herself to name them so. Casey was Ma and Liz was Mama.

"Even though New York City was just an hours drive away, Henry had never been there." Liz continued to read as Elizabeth Kate rubbed her little nose on Liz's shirt, a sure sign she was moments from falling asleep. "He shivered with excitement at the though of seeing all those tall buildings scrapping the sky."

While Liz finished putting Elizabeth Kate to bed Casey went downstairs to make some hot cocoa and pop some popcorn. She was looking forward to a quiet night watching old Christmas movies on t.v and snow falling outside the window with Liz. This was going to be a much calmer Christmas Eve then last year's for sure. When she heard Liz coming down the stairs Casey couldn't help but smile. "Is she asleep?"

"And dreaming of sugar plum fairies." Liz said with a nod as she crossed the living room to join her lover on the sofa. She wrapped her arms around the redhead and held her close before leaning in and kissing her softly.

"What was that for?" Casey asked when the tender kiss came to an end.

"For giving me the two of you." Liz said with a slight blush.

Casey beamed. "I love when you get sappy."

"Don't get use to it." Liz teased as they snuggled under a throw while Casey clicked on the original black and white version of Miracle on 34th Street.

The quiet of Christmas Eve gave way to the hysterical laughter of Christmas morning. It took over an hour to get through half of Elizabeth Kate's gifts because she laughed until she was red in the face every time she ripped open the wrapping paper. After a brief intermission to eat breakfast and get her diaper changed, Casey and Liz were right back on the floor watching their little Christmas angel open toys, books, stuffed animals and clothes. While the baby was distracted with a new item her mothers took turns opening their gifts from each other. When it was all said and done and every present was opened, Casey found herself sitting on the sofa watching Elizabeth Kate napping in a pile of wrapping and tissue paper.

"One more." Liz said as she reached into the branches of the tree to pull out the final gift. She walked over to join Casey on the sofa, taking a moment to watch the baby as well, before holding out a small box wrapped in silver paper and red bow.

"Liz." Casey said softly as she accepted the gift. "You've already given me so much this year."

Liz couldn't help but smile as she said, "This one is special."

For a long moment Casey just looked into her lover's eyes. There was something there, something she couldn't quite put her finger on, something she really wanted to reach out and grab hold of.

"Open it Casey." Liz said softly.

Casey tore the paper away and opened the box to find a little black velvet box inside. Bright green eyes flicked upwards to look at Liz before sliding the velvet box out of the gift box. Casey's heart was racing and her hands trembled as she cracked open the velvet box. The redhead gasped as her free hand flew up too cover her mouth while her eyes began to well with tears. Inside the velvet box was the most beautiful emerald and diamond engagement ring Casey had ever seen.

Liz waited until Casey looked up at her before asking, "Casey Marie Novak, will you marry me?"

"Elizabeth." Casey whispered. For a second, a moment, the two women looked at each other and everything they felt, every wish, desire, and dream they had they shared. In that flicker of time everything was perfect. "Yes, Elizabeth. Yes, of course I'll marry you."

The older woman let out the breath she hadn't known she was holding as she took the ring from it's velvet nest and slide it onto Casey's hand. "I love you, Casey."

"I love you too." Casey said as she threw her arms around Liz and kissed her with so much love and passion they were both left breathless.

Spring brought promises of something new and exciting to the city. The warm rains washed away the lingering gray of a winter that lasted just a little to long. The budding flowers threw color back into the world. It was Casey's favorite time of year, which made it perfect for a wedding. Standing at the alter of St. Bernadette's holding tightly to her love's hands, Casey could feel the small gathering of their family and friends watching from the pews. Her brother had come back to the states just for this. Liz's niece flew in to be there for her. Alex and Olivia and their children sat in the front row radiating love and support.

It had taken a couple of months to plan, even for a simple wedding, but it was everything Casey could have asked for. A small ceremony in a church with just the people they cared most about. The church was decorated with simple floral arrangements and candles. Casey's dress was a white strapless silk satin princess-style Lazaro gown with hand-beaded and embroidered bodice and a beaded tulle skirt. Liz's dress was a flowing one shouldered white silk and satin dress with beading on the shoulder that was a little darker gray then the beading on Casey's dress, and a train that flowed from the shoulder piece.

"Dearly beloved." Father Macalister began. "We are gathered here today to celebrate with Casey and Elizabeth as they pledge their lives and love to each other on this glorious spring day."

Casey listened to what was being said but her focus was on Elizabeth. If someone would have told her five years ago that she would be standing in a church with a priest reciting marriage vows with Elizabeth Donnelly she would have laughed herself blue in the face and asked that person what drugs they were taking. She would have never in a million years seen this coming, and for some reason that made it that much more amazing. Casey hadn't been looking for love, which made this love that much sweeter. Everything she'd been through, every person who'd come in and out of her life; Charlie, Serena, and everyone in-between had led her to this moment. Every up and every down, all the good and all the bad, led her to this woman, this place, and this life. The broken road that led her to Elizabeth made the words she said now more meaningful and special despite the fact that so many others had said them so often before her.

"I Casey take you Elizabeth." She began. "To be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for as long as we both shall live."

Liz marveled at the way her life had changed. The solitary life she'd enjoyed for so long seemed like a dream long forgotten now. She hadn't thought this would ever be something she'd want again, but then Casey came into her life, not once but twice. First as the young protégé eager to learn about the law and filled with the same passion Liz felt herself for their chosen field, but that had only been a small part of Casey. The second time the younger woman came into her life she'd been soaking wet and shattered. It had been both an honor and a struggle to watch Casey put herself back together, to come out of it all stronger and more whole then she'd ever been. Liz had thought she'd already had the best life would offer her, but here she was being offered a new life, a fuller life, a happy life to be shared with not only the remarkable young woman standing with her but the most beautiful little girl in all the world. Before saying her own vows Liz looked over at the pretty little red-haired toddler sitting on her godfather's lap. When she turned back to Casey she wasn't just speaking to her but their little girl as well.

"I Elizabeth take you Casey to be my wife." She said softly. "I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for as long as we both shall live."

Casey's wedding ring was a diamond and emerald band that matched her engagement ring. Elizabeth's matched the ring Casey had gone out to get her; a pear shaped chocolate diamond surrounded by smaller white diamonds. The only one who ended up with a gold band was Elizabeth Kate. After her mother's exchanged rings Liz slipped a tiny little gold ring onto her cubby baby finger as a promise to her as well, a promise to always be there for her too.

"Now that you have joined yourselves formally in matrimony, may you strive all your lives to meet this contract with the same sense of love and commitment. Together many you dream, and may you stumble, my you restore each other, and share all things, serving each other and humanity. Cherish, respect, comfort and encourage each other as long as you both shall live." Father Macalister said with a bright, beaming smile. "It is now with great pleasure that I pronounce you spouses. May God bless and keep you and your little one. You may now kiss."

The small gathering of their loved ones exploded with applause and cheers as the two sealed their commitment to each other and their family with a kiss.

"I love you Casey." Elizabeth whispered.

"I love you Elizabeth." Casey replied.

The End

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><p>Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I hope this story was as enjoyable to read as it was to write. I hope to come back to Casey, Liz, and Elizabeth Kate but until I do, look for them to appear in Alex and Liv's story, which will be returning after thew new year. :)<p> 


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